Counting Potatoes

Perplexing Habits and Mysteries of the Human Body

Having sisters who have taken medical courses during college and the habit of reading books and watching discovery channel definitely have its perks - Especially if you’ve had a list of medical mysteries ever since you were just a kid. It may have taken more than 20 years but taking the time to find the explanations for these perplexing body mysteries have definitely allowed me to sleep a little bit better at night. At least now I know where these weird habits come from.

Anyway, here are some mysteries I have crossed off my list so far:

1. Sleep Paralysis:

Ever woke up from a bad dream and found out that you couldn’t move or scream? It may be as freaky as hell but scientists say that this is completely natural. After all, the brain has to disengage its direct control over your body so as to prevent it from making the movements you make in your dream. Imagine dreaming about a knife fight and finding yourself with an actual knife in your hands when you wake up? Wouldn’t you prefer temporary paralysis over that? He he. Some people’s brain doesn’t completely disengage its control over the body though. That’s why you find some people sleepwalking, mumbling in their sleep, fixing coffee, and my personal favourite, trying to climb walls (which my mother claims I did when I was a kid).

2. Post Pee Shiver:

At first I thought this only happens to men. We stand by the wall, expel our pee, then do that little shivering dance before pulling up the zipper. One time, I overheard girls talking about this same phenomenon although I’m sure their experience is a lot more personal and private than for boys. After all, girls pee inside enclosed cubicles compared to boys who line up side by side by the wall, shivering that little post pee shiver for everyone to see. Sometimes the shivering even gets so bad that pee is sprayed all over the place, he he, with adjacent guys doing that matrix like evasion dance. Anyway, my sisters say this is entirely normal (shivering not spraying) because as the body pees, body heat is lost through the warm pee that is expelled. The body then compensates by shivering.

3. Déjà vu:

One of my sisters presented an interesting theory about that déjà vu feeling we get whenever it seems like everything happening now has happened before. She says that according to some medical books, sometimes the things we see and hear gets routed to the long term memory portion of our brains where memories are stored instead of the short term memory slot. This tricks us into thinking that a particular incident has happened before. Whew! At least that’s a lot more comforting than the theory presented in Denzel Washington’s Movie “Déjà vu” where people from the future are viewing what we are doing now.

4. The Invisible Space Bubble:

Ever noticed the invisible space bubble around people you come across daily? It’s an invisible space around individuals or representative objects that for some unspoken agreement we don’t or hesitate to encroach upon. Like urine marks on animal territorial boundaries, a book on a library table, a jacket on a chair, a bag on a bus seat, all seem to scream “STAY BACK, STAY AWAY”. The space bubble around people increases or decreases too depending on the occasion, it might feel ok to rub shoulders with a total stranger when riding on a jeepney, a bus or on the MRT, but to rub shoulders with someone you don’t know in a spacious library or any other open space? I’ll bet you daggers will definitely go a flyin’. It’s like we’re all walking around with repelling magnetic charges that forces us to set the maximum possible distance between people. Of course, this doesn’t apply when we’re with someone we’re comfortable with like our friends or loved ones, in which case, our space bubbles merge, the magnetic polarities switch to attract and the combined bubbles becomes larger than the sum of the parts. This is why we give a wide berth to lovers, rowdy groups and individuals wearing the same shirts, he he. Apparently there’s a scientific study on this subject called Proxemics which states that the use of interpersonal space or distance helps individuals regulate intimacy by controlling sensory exposure.

5. The Lie-Eye Relationship:

Although I have never tested it, I saw this one in an episode in CSI where the investigators immediately knew the woman suspect was lying all because her eyes looked left before she answered a particularly difficult question. Now science says this is because when our eyes move left, we are actually accessing our right side of the brain which handles imagination (and consequently the ability to lie and fabricate stories). When we remember, our eyes should move right to access the left side of our brain which is for logic and memory. Hmmm… Did Abalos’ eyes move right or left during the ANC interview?

6. Chocolates, Scary Movies and Lust:

Question: What do chocolates, scary movies and lust have in common? Answer: PEA, not the ones in the Ipod but the phenylethylamine hormone, a hormone responsible for giving you that feeling of infatuation and that lovesick puppy look. Chocolates contain minute amounts of it, scary movies and situations induce the production of it and lust is the end product of it. So girls, should someone ask you out to watch a movie after gorging you on chocolates, BE ON YOUR GUARD. He he

7. The Smelling After Scratching Habit:

It maybe a yucky habit but admit it, you’ve probably seen a close friend do it. In fact, you yourself may be guilty of it. He he. Thinking about this particular number has gotten me so curious that I have even posted a poll in the internet about it. I also browsed around for scientific articles explaining this weird phenomenon. Apparently, this is a worldwide problem. I came across American girlfriends complaining about their boyfriends doing it in forums, found a bunch of confused white guys attempting to find the meaning behind it, and even stumbled upon a related habit “the pinch and roll” but that’s for another story. I’ve read somewhere though that our primal ancestors once used our sense of smell a lot more extensively. They used it to mark their territories, recognize kin, guard against danger, etc. In fact, another study indicated that we still use our sense of smell in to attract people as well as in choosing our partners (our nose have the ability to determine if the one we’re attracted to is a good genetic match for us and would produce healthy children). This is also the reasoning behind the Musk perfume which is basically an odor emitted by certain animals when they are in heat. So are the smelling after scratching habit, my cousin’s inclination to smell other people’s hair as well as the tendency to smell other people’s fart a leftover social programming from our primal ancestry then? I certainly think so, he he

8. Feeling Sleepy after Eating Syndrome:

This is an easy one. My sister says that after eating, most of our blood supply and thus the body’s oxygen is routed to our stomachs to help in food digestion. Consequently, this makes us feel drowsy and weak.

9. Earwax Consistency and Body Odor:

This one I saw in a MadLabs episode in discovery channel. The theory goes that the more powdery your earwax is, the less body odor you have. Conversely, the more viscous they are, the stinkier your body odor is. The MadLabs people even went ahead and did a test among Caucasian and oriental people. They found out that Orientals like the Chinese, Koreans and Japanese tend to have powdery earwax, thus less deodorant sales in these countries. Caucasians on the other hand had more viscous earwax, you know what comes next.

10. The Falling Sensation:

Have you ever felt that falling sensation just as you nod off to sleep? I’ve certainly experienced them a lot in my 7 am classes back in college to the fascination of my professors and classmates– kicking legs and all. Scientists call this the hypnagogic myoclonic twitch or “Hypnic jerk”, they say that this situation happens when our brains misinterpret the signals sent by our muscles when they start to go slack and relaxed - thinking that we are about to fall down. This is actually a remnant instinct from the time when our ancestors used to live in trees. In these occasions, the brain then tells the body to jerk itself upright while making us instantly awake and alert. This is entirely normal they say although people who suffer from sleep deprivation experience from it more. This is also said to be the third leading cause for embarrassing episodes while sleeping, the first being bed wetting followed by farting while sleeping. He he, thank God I didn’t end up farting while sleeping in class instead!

11. Genital Protection While Sleeping:

It’s an embarrassing topic and one most boys would probably deny when asked about it but its true. Most boys hold their genitals while sleeping. WHY?? I scoured the web for an explanation but apparently most of the people in the internet find it an embarrassing topic too. I got some interesting tidbits of info though. Apparently, celibate monks during the middle ages used to sleep with their hands over their genitals holding a crucifix to keep away the incubus or sex demons that brings about impure dreams (wet dreams in modern science). Also, instead of putting ones hand over a bible while swearing to tell the truth in a court of law, Romans in ancient times put their hands over their genitals. The psychology of the human mind however provided some light on this topic. Apparently, this behaviour is more common to boys who have experienced being teased about their penises while they were young. The posture then becomes an unconscious automatic reflex to protect this body part while sleeping. Hmmm, there must be lots of boys teased about this when they were young then.

12. Hiccups:
One of the mysteries of the body that has stumped countless scientists for hundreds of years. After all, hiccups do not seem to have a discernible purpose in the overall blueprint of our body. One theory states that hiccupping is a way to strengthen the lung muscles of babies still in the womb. Another theory states that it’s a reflex action used by the body to keep out the amniotic fluid from the lungs. A more interesting theory however states that hiccupping is an instinct retained from our sea based ancestors from 370 million years ago. After all, hiccupping, or the sudden closure of the windpipe using the glottis just as we are about to breathe is very similar to how these animals shut off their glottis when breathing in oxygen through the gills instead of their lungs.

Well, so much for that. At least now I can finally shelve these thoughts in the backroom of my brain and concentrate on finishing my work. He he

	Perplexing Habits and Mysteries of the Human Body

The Weird Pinoy

And we all thought our lolas and lolos were weird enough what with their “tabi apos”, “no bath days during menstruations”, “pagkain para sa kaluluwa”, “walis tingting anti aswang weapons” and many others.

But if you stop and think about it, we, the new generation, have developed our own set of weird habits guaranteed to elicit some sneers and laughs from our future children. Worse yet is the fact that we are not even aware of them, he he.

Here are some examples:

1. Kain na: Perhaps the most hypocritical of them all is our automatic inclination to say “kain na” to someone who just happens to be around whenever we get ready to eat. It’s almost like we are guilty of being caught eating! He he. The funny thing about this weird habit is the unspoken rule that the one being asked should decline the offer or at least take just a little bite to show appreciation. Should you dig in full heartedly, the amount you eat will usually be directly proportional to the amount of resentment you’ll generate. Sometimes I even think that this phrase “kain na” is a unique Filipino way of discerning your “kapal ng mukha”. He he

2. Asking for the Bill; Pinoys also have a weird way of asking for the bill. We make this little square rectangle in the air using our thumbs and forefinger. Sometimes we use our two hands and sometimes we use only one (the square rectangle would end up with one side missing, he he). It’s almost like a secret code wherein the waiter would reply by giving you as many coins as possible for your change (to remind you of the tip perhaps).

3. Excuse Me: Ever noticed how we say excuse me whenever we pass between two people having a conversation? No it isn’t how we say the words but how we contort our bodies to bring home the point. First, we turn sideways to present the smallest profile. Then we crouch a bit as if to avoid being seen as we pass through, we then raise the arm that is in front using it like a knife to cut through the people. We end up looking like a chicken with one wing raised and stepping sideways.

4. Jeepney Terminals: the jeepney stops at the final terminal and obviously all the people still inside will have to get off at that point. So there are two rows of people and only one exit. The most sensible thing is to wait for the person nearest the exit to get out and so on until the person right behind the jeepney driver gets his chance. All in all, this would take at most 30 seconds. What happens though is that everyone stands up and heads for the exit, yes even the one behind the jeepney driver. This creates a royal rumble like scenario wherein everyone is jostling for the right to get off first. I wonder, is 30 seconds that important to these people? Are they going to lose a lot of money if they don’t get off immediately?

5. Calling a Taxi with PPssssstt! Ehe he, a person is waiting for a taxi, the driver’s window is closed. The passenger to be is waving her arms but the driver doesn’t notice. The passenger to be then goes pssstt pssssttt!! As if this would increase her chances of being seen. If this is the case, then taxi drivers should install a psst detector outside their windows.

6. Using Puckered Lips To Point The Way: “Manong gaano po kalayo ang CR?” look closely and you will see his lips begin to pucker up. Maybe we should all start bringing pocket callipers too as it seems that the length of the lips’ protrusion is directly proportional to the distance to your destination. Let’s call it our own unique metric system of distance measurement. He he

7. The Last Piece: What is it with the last piece of food on the plate? Everyone is casting discreet glances at it but no one wants to get it. I sometimes wonder if the waiters in the place collect enough left over pizzas to complete one whole set. Imagine how you would feel if you are that last piece in the plate. He he

8. The Fart Curiosity: “Baho!!” the person nearest the culprit in the group exclaims. Now observe closely how many actually runs away to a safe distance where it is “utot free” and how many stays behind to satisfy their morbid curiosity on how bad the fart smells. Observe how some of these people are even breathing deeply with nostrils flaring to catch the faintest trace of smell. He he he, is this a remnant of our once primal ancestry where our ancestors smell each others butts for identification?

9. Cell Check Mechanism: The next time you walk into a mall or anywhere crowded, take the time to observe the people’s hands (particularly the pinoy’s hands). Take out a stopwatch too. Scientists say that men think about sex once every 27 seconds. I have a new theory, pinoys check for the presence of their cellphones once every five minutes. You’ll see the hands discreetly caressing the front right pocket as if checking to see if their cellphones have been snatched in the last 5 minutes. Hell, watch closely and you’ll notice that people do this even when they have not brought along their cellphones! Going pale every 5 minutes whenever they fail to feel that particular bulge in their pockets, he he

10. Smiles Everywhere: We pinoys smile too much we sometimes look stupid, he he. Check the local newspapers, you’ll see pinoys smiling everywhere. In funeral pictures, during demonstrations and rallies, pictures of accidents, even amidst all the rubble after being hit by the worst typhoon. Hell, its been years since hurricane Katrina devastated the US east coast but looking at the international news and the all the crying people, you’ll think it happened a few days ago. We even smile a lot in our text messages. "Hi, matagal pa ba u?:)" or "Hi, naiinis na me.:)"

Our weirdness doesn’t even end here. There are lots more that I haven’t recalled yet (feel free to add your take). These and all the other little things however are exactly the things that we miss should we find ourselves in a different country. Like a pet that pees in joy whenever you come home after a long day’s work, like the bus conductor who doesn't exactly lie when he waves at you to get in saying "marami pang upuan!!", like the unique way of laughing of a loved one and like the warmth, the smell, the lumps and bumps of our own beds that we think about when sleeping on an unfamiliar bed, these are the little things that make up our concept of a home and a country. The Philippines may indeed be a shitty hellhole but home is still where the heart is, where only a few dig in with fervor whenever you say “O Kain na!” he he.

	The Weird Pinoy

How Long is Your Ring Finger

Perhaps of all the fingers in our hand, the ring finger is the only one with a sentimental connotation. Mushy people say that the ring finger contains a vein that leads right to the heart, thus the wedding ring signifying love and eternity is placed there. Now I don’t know if this is true, but one thing I know is that according to Michael Moore’s latest documentary Sicko, should you slice off your ring finger, it would cost at least $12,000 to reconnect it for aesthetic and sentimental reasons. That’s almost half a million pesos here in our side of the globe.

The ring finger though hides a secret beyond the romantic. The usual length of the ring finger is said to be 2% longer than that of the pointer finger. One little known and surprising fact about the ring finger however is the fact that its length is directly proportional to how aggressive you are, what you’re interests are, how horny you are and basically all the things that are connected to having a high level of testosterone. This is because some scientists claim that the length of our ring finger is a manifestation of the amount of testosterone our bodies were introduced to when we were just in the wombs of our mothers.

Now, the same scientists are saying that this condition (longer ring fingers) usually occurs in boys (and thus accounts for the fact that most boys go for head bashing, rough sports, war games and the likes for pastimes). . Girls, on the other hand, have ring fingers that are more or less equal in length to the pointer, thus less testosterone and a lot more affinity towards gossiping, cooking and shopping. This doesn’t mean that girls are exempt though. Some girls actually have longer ring fingers than the pointer. So if you’re a girl and you’ve always wondered why guns, sex and rough sports interests you more than Barbie dolls, roses and dresses, you don’t have to look very far or do extensive soul searching for the answer. Just check the length of your ring finger.

And the next time you’re in a bar, you can look for something more than the wedding ring or its mark when checking out your prospect’s ring finger.:)

	How Long is Your Ring Finger

Life in a Box

Take a good look around you. I’ll bet you that most of everything you see either came from a box, or IS in a box. In my case, as I sit here typing this blog, I see my PC (which came from a box), using an external keyboard (also from a box), drinking the remaining Coke from a 1.5L bottle (six bottles in every Coke box). Off to the far side of the room are the shoe racks (were in a box when I bought them), shoes (some of which are still in their boxes), an electric fan (came with a box), etc, etc, etc…

The grocery store is full of products that are in boxes too, even those that don’t need to be in a box. Take milk for example, they could’ve done away with the box and could’ve printed on the foil instead but no.. they had to put them in a box. Some are in cans, you might argue. Then again, how do they transport these cans?

Yup! In boxes!

Truth is, there exists an unbreakable bond between people and boxes. We can’t get enough of them! We use them to maximize storage capacity, we use them to optimize filing and organization, we use them to protect fragile items, and sometimes, we just love to collect them and use them as repositories of tidbits and doodads.

We love boxes so much that we even oftentimes use imaginary ones to file, organize, and categorize the people we come in contact in our everyday lives. Take the skinny kid with the glasses way back in grade school for example – box label: NERD. What about the guy with the soft voice and sweet smelling perfume – box label: HOMO. I had my own box when I was in high school. Back then, the box said “intelligent but lazy”. When I got to college, the box became “just lazy”.

Sometimes we struggle to free ourselves from the boxes society has given us in turn. Sometimes the change just come naturally – like the laid-back funny friend in high school who became one of the most effective leaders in college, the childish schoolmate who became one of the newest officers of the Philippine army, the shy foreign guy who found his voice and subsequently the love of his life or the brod who found his success despite all the drawbacks in his life. I once struggled to free myself from the “class clown” box that I found myself in, only to realize later that I was quite comfortable in it.

Sometimes, the boxes shape our lives without us even becoming aware of it. Like the girl who graduated summa cum laude because everyone believed in her, the guy who became a bum because everyone expected nothing more, the rich guy who just had to marry someone from his own social class, or the gay who just had to have some man-boobs because girls have it (most of them anyway). Point of this is the fact that sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes not. Sometimes we end up feeling frustrated and dissatisfied with ourselves all because we weren’t able to live up to the box other people gave us. It’s like being boxed as a microwave oven and ending up a toaster.

Sometimes we forget that there are people inside all these boxes. Persons capable of shedding them, capable of choosing their own boxes, or simply capable of change. Convicts are not all bad, priests are not always perfect, blonds are not always dumb, politicians are not always corrupt and believe it or not, I bet there are still some guys who are not out for sex. It’s not the box but what’s in it that really matters.

Don’t get too fixated by the boxes you see all around you or the box you find yourself in. Hey, sooner or later, all of us are going to be in one anyways, one that’s six feet under. He he he

	Life in a Box

Rodent Skywalker

He looks down on me as I sit by the table to fix my daily coffee. Sometimes he bares his ass as if to mock my helplessness, sometimes he just sleeps there as if he owns the place. I think He knows I won’t dare shoot him with the airgun.

I call him Rodent Skywalker. The very first rodent in our house that dared to conquer the skies (or at least the transparent plastic water drainage system we have fixed on our ceilings as storm back-up). As a result, all of us are treated with a daily glimpse of the hidden world of rodent life, its almost like watching a boring national geographic special where all the animal does is sleep and scratch itself.

Rats, one of nature’s most tenacious survivors. They, or at least ancestors that looked much like them, have been around so long that they've even seen the fall of the dinosaurs. They have endured through the post impact winter that followed the mass extinction, have survived the new breed of predators that followed, adapted to the dangers of modern society and according to Stephen Baxter, will probably outlast us in the future.

Now he fixes his bed near the light bulb to draw warmth and to protect himself from the 22 degree cold. He has even collected wood chips, paper and other things to make himself more comfortable in his newly discovered home.

In a sense, he is a pioneer trekking through un-chartered landscapes pushing the boundaries of his known world. Away from the mainstream of his overcrowded society , scared at every turn, wishing for security but longing for something more, he is giving his little experiment the best he can in order to find a new way to survive. He looks lonely, but aren’t all visionaries the same? It’s after all, a small price he has to pay for following his dreams.

Who knows, maybe in time, he’ll even get lucky and convince another adventurous she-rodent to share this new world with him and build a family. In time, he might even become a legend in his own pack as the one who first to venture forth and conquered the sky.

Rodent Skywalker. My finger itches to pull the trigger but something holds me back. Maybe it’s his pioneering spirit and how I, myself am trying to do the same in a world of bits and bytes. Maybe it’s his fears, as it is the same fears I confront everyday as I try to push our own experiment onto solid ground. Or maybe it’s his courage, as I know mine has and will waver as I follow my dreams in the years to come.

Sleep tight Rodent Skywalker. I’ll leave the lights on for you tonight.

	Rodent Skywalker