Counting Potatoes

It’s Either Godhood or Back to the Dark Ages

Spent several days last week researching and writing about Global Warming, Peak Oil and stuff, and because of this, I also spent the corresponding number of nights reflecting on how humankind seems to be headed for the dumps. Crops worldwide are failing, Fuel prices have gone through the roof, banks are failing, bank owners are running (he he he), stock markets are crashing and sometime soon, the size of pandesals will shrink down to the size of cotton balls.

Of course, the daily dose of brain frying heat doesn’t help. I thought the summer months are over! It’s already August for God’s sake! No wonder PAG-ASA gave up trying to predict our country’s weather, delegating the task instead to Sulpicio Lines and the likes while they concentrate on finding rabbit or elephant patterns on the cloud formations over our country.

It’s a shitty time all right - made even shittier by presidents who are claiming that the economy is improving and that the EVAT is helping us a lot. That giving away a part of our country is called peace. That selling off our claim to the Spratleys is called progress. Why don’t we just print the SONA instead of broadcasting it and place it right below the daily horoscope and right beside the feng shui section of our newspapers? That way it could more or less fit in the overall theme of the page – alternate realities and the unexplained mysteries of life. He he

On the other hand…

I’ve been recently watching the Visions of the Future Series in YouTube. The videos were about recent medical, scientific and technological breakthroughs capable of transforming our world 20 to 30 years from now. Don’t get me wrong, these aren’t Star Trek or Star Wars technologies we see only in the big screen, these are technologies that are here today, technologies that are already being used, being improved and pretty soon (unless it all goes downhill from here) will transform the face of our planet.

Biological Solar Power Cells

We’ve all heard about the silicon based solar or photovoltaic cells. In fact this is old news and one that has proven too expensive to use on a large scale. What’s new in this field however is the recent move to combine electronics and cellular biology. Instead of using unwieldy and expensive silicon cells, scientists are now trying to hijack the very cells in plants that convert sunlight into chemical energy. Instead of those chunky blocks of glass-like cells, the biological solar powered cells can be applied much like regular paint.

Imagine a world where all our household energy needs can be derived from the painting material we use on our roofs! No blackouts and no electric bills! Unlimited aircon use, unlimited TV time, unlimited hot water from our showers! Yahoo!!!

Medical Nanobots

Imagine little robots coursing through your body, looking for telltale signs of cancer, accumulating cholesterol on veins, or preprogrammed viruses and zapping them as soon as they are detected. Imagine little robots capable of repairing the damaged cells and tissues deep inside your body – much like constructions workers repair a damaged part of a building. Weird as this may seem, this is actually one of the current projects of the medical field today. In fact, scientists have already successfully designed a tiny microchip that uses bacteria as propellers, much like horses are used to pull a cart. Although the nanobot is not equipped with the zapper, it is designed to carry a payload of medicines or stem cells to specific parts of the patients body. Like it or not, pretty soon, nanobots will be a part of our daily vocabulary. “Here, take two nanobots and call me in the morning”

Military Nanobots (motes)

Of course, it can be expected that nanobots would not be possible without military funding. These little critters were initially designed to kill before they were designed to heal. Remember the little spider like robots in Minority Report? Well, just like those creepy spiders, these military nanobots or motes can also communicate with each other, coordinate their movements (in fact their program is derived from how a school of fishes behave) and share data and processing power over an adhoc network (much like P2P sharing programs like limewire and the Herd computing network setup of SETI over the internet). It doesn’t end there, some of these military nanobots are also designed to replicate themselves much like the viruses we encounter in our computers or real world viruses like aids or the avian flu virus.

Genetically modified humans/ Organ Grafting

It wasn’t thought possible at the time but the Human Genome Project was successfully completed at the start of the century. Think newborn screening, paternity tests or DNA matching moves in CSI and you’ll see that the applications of this remarkable technology has already started to permeate our society.

Today, scientists are starting the next phase of the human genome project which is mapping out the DNA of the common types of cancers in a project called the Cancer Genome Atlas – a project equivalent to more than 15,000 human genome projects done during the 1990s. They have already successfully replaced rogue genes in some simple diseases during the past few years. Next, they are planning to eliminate cancer, find the longevity or aging gene, and set the foundation for intellectually and biologically enhanced humans. This may be the century where we’ll see the first species to evolve from homosapiens with lifespans of 150 years or more, perfect health and enhanced muscular and mental capacities.

Scientists have also already found ways to duplicate some of our internal organs through a process called organ grafting. Forget The Island and how organs are farmed from human clones, organ grafting clones your internal organs externally using your stem cells as its foundation. This means no long waiting lines for heart transplants, liver transplants, kidney transplants, etc. Just get yourself to a hospital, order a new kidney with extra large fries to go with it, throw in a couple of new lungs and you’ll be good as new. So instead of quitting smoking, you might like to save up for a new lung instead. He he

Speaking about cloning, remember Dolly the cloned sheep? Well now, cloning is a regular process in some animal farms. In fact, the beef you may have eaten yesterday might come from cloned cows. Maybe in the end, we’ll just clone our endangered species.

Water Fusion

Forget nuclear power plants and uranium atom splitting. Forget nuclear wastes and radioactive fallouts. The new generation power plants will not be fission but FUSION reactors. And the fuel?, one of the most common compounds in earth – WATER. Water Fusion Technology involves transforming simple water into plasma where the hydrogen atoms can combine to form helium atoms releasing tremendous amounts of energy in the process. A prototype fusion reactor already exists capable of doing this for short bursts of time and a larger fusion reactor is under construction in France.

Imagine unlimited, clean and ultra-cheap energy and what it could do to our planet. Of course, knowing the Philippines, it will take more or less 150 years before we start seeing this technology on our side of the planet.

Carbon Fiber

Yes, I know, it’s only a fiber or a material after all but imagine a material that is stronger than even wolverine’s adamantium, a material made of pure carbon and is as strong as diamond. Steel transformed the face of our planet through the skyscrapers, gigantic ships, new generation cars and equipments made possible by it. Imagine what carbon fiber would do. Carbon fiber is already being produced in laboratories all around the world. The trick is finding a way to manufacture them in mass quantities and large volumes.

Flexible Electronics

Electronic circuits not bounded by the rigidity of silicon chips. Imagine motherboards or circuits that can be bent to accommodate any shape. Imagine laptops that can be rolled to fit inside your bag. Imagine cell phones that can be stretched out into wristwatches. Imagine T-shirts with videos flashing on the front or books that can be loaded with Ebook downloads. Flexible electronics will literally stretch our imaginations as man and machine are welded even more closely together.

Quantum Computers and Immune System Based Security Systems

The use of light to transmit signals through optical cables in our communication systems today is only the first step. The second generation computers and internet will be powered by particles in the quantum level and protected by a security system based on our own immune system. Instead of transistors, capacitors and electrical circuits, quantum computers will harness the power of the atoms and molecules themselves to perform calculations and to serve as memory. These computers will be millions of times faster than today’s fastest supercomputers and will be capable of processing 10 teraflops of calculations per second (today’s computers are only capable of processing several gigaflops of computations).

Quantum cryptography is already used in military and some government networks. New internet security systems already use photons of light as guards for sensitive data. The uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics makes sure that should a hacker try to read a photon protected data, the act of reading the data and the photon itself would ensure the loss of the whole data being sent – in this case multiple streams of data will be used. Just last year, a Canadian company D-wave successfully demonstrated their 16 cubit quantum computer. In time we will see a new breed of computers capable of making calculations that would take a human being billions of years to solve. Moreover, these computers will be capable of designing the next generation computers that will succeed them.

In a sense, the use of photons in protecting data streams is much like the function of phages in our bodies. Just as digital viruses and worms act much like real world viruses and parasites, new security systems are tapping into the intricacies of our immune systems to protect the internet, our networks and our PCs. Firewalls acts much like the filters in our nose and throats, real time anti-virus and anti-spyware systems acts much like the white blood cells in our bodies – patrolling our systems looking for anomalies, Spynets and other intrusion detection systems patterns itself from the danger principle of our immune systems, just as dendritic cells in our body serves as front liners in protecting us from harmful foreign bodies, dentritic structured networks will be used to recognize and respond to attacks on any computer in distress within a network.

Internet Based Entertainment, Commerce and Communications

If you think EBay, Yahoo Messenger, YouTube and WarCraft are cool, wait till you see the next generation developments that will find its way into the World Wide Web.

Think of 3 Dimensional shopping websites that you can explore just like real world malls, this is of course without lugging those bulky shopping bags around. Think of internet based schools where you get to learn just as if you were inside a real classroom with students and teachers around – think of virtual fieldtrips and hands on experience when learning about different planets, virtual hospitals and underground mines. Think of internet based work where you get to sit around a virtual office and gets harangued by a virtual boss. Hehe, Think of virtual family reunions and virtual tours. Think of matrix like environments when playing counterstrike or WarCraft. These technologies are just around the corner. Already Moscow used a virtual reality presentation when it bid to host the Olympic Games – where the judges got to walk around a virtual Moscow transformed by new buildings for the Olympic Games. The US military uses a virtual reality interface complete with haptics to train some of their special units. Second Life has more than 3 million members living their alternate lives in cyberspace. Architectural firms are already using virtual houses where you can explore your house before the first brick is even laid.

YouTube will be replaced by E-TVs – TVs connected to the internet. Our telephones are being replaced by VOIP phones – an internet based telephone where you can transmit not just voice but graphics, video and data as well. Business conferences are already being held online and real world people are slowly being replaced by digital avatars in the internet.

Networked Home Appliances

Your laptop communicates with your printer, your PDA, cellphone, Ipod and digital camera communicates with your PC. Pretty soon, all the appliances in your house will be communicating with each other and even through the internet to serve your needs. This will be done through picanets or localized networks much like your Bluetooth network. Trashcans will communicate with your ref as to what product you have just thrown away, your ref in turn will communicate with an online grocery store to request for deliveries, your TV will learn your viewing preferences and communicate with your recorder to download similar programs, a network guard will communicate with all the network appliances in your home to prevent them from being stolen and so on and so forth. Heaven on Earth indeed!!

Advanced Robotics

Even human made machines are getting smarter. Several years ago, we saw our first robotic pet – the Sony Aibo. This was followed by a robot that could walk, act and talk like a human – The Mitsubishi Wakamaru and Honda Asimo. Some of these robots are already being introduced to hospitals – to act as nurses, homes – to act as maids and battlefields – to act as robocops he he. Some robots are designed to act as modular bots – capable of communicating and coordinating with other bots transforming themselves to any shape to do its job – a snake for tight spots for example, a wheeled bot for long distance travel or a robot with legs for rocky ground. These robots however are severely limited by their programming and processing capacity.

However, at the rate our computers are evolving today – from single cores to multi cores to quantum computers, combined with new programming approaches wherein instead of programming a specific set of commands, robots are given the capacity to learn, it will only be a matter of time before our robots reaches the intelligence of those we see in our cinemas. In fact, it is projected that by the year 2050, robots will have rights.

An interesting footnote though, the pron industry is one of the most active and heavy contributors to the development of robotics. hmmmmmm... does that mean i'll be seeing hentai call girl robots walking the streets in my lifetime? he he he

Cyborgs

If machines are increasingly becoming more human, humans are also increasingly becoming machines. The destiny of our species may even be something like a cross between humans and machines as we adapt and improve ourselves to future challenges.

Scientists have succeeded in breaching the neuron – silicon interface. This means that now, our bodies can communicate directly to computers using the same electrical impulses that drive them. Remember Luke Skywalker with the robotic hand? Well, now this robotic hand is not sci-fi anymore. Remember the holes in Morpheus’ and Neo’s head they use to jack into the Matrix? Now, some brain surgeries for mental ailments like Alzheimer’s and chronic depression involve the installation of microprocessors and silicon chips inside human heads. Remember IronMan? Now, scientists are using exoskeletons to enhance human strength and endurance. Believe it or not, our class reunions someday may see us comparing not just cars and gizmos but cyborg elements in our bodies – much like guys used to compare dynamos and interior parts of their Tamiyas.

It simply boggles the mind that these technologies are just around the corner and may even become commonplace in our lifetimes! I remember when I was just a kid and the cutting edge technologies then were Tetris, ATARI and remote controlled cars. We used to play with marbles, sand castles and water guns, now kids are growing up as if they were born in the internet playing MMORPG games like counterstrike, WarCraft and Ragnarok. We used to throw stinky eggs and wet tissue paper in our neighbor’s houses, now kids are hackers messing around with government sites and private networks. I still remember going to the post office to mail my letters, going to photo shops to have our films developed and payphones in Sari-sari stores to call my friends, now kids are strolling around as if email, instant messaging, digital cameras and cell phones were always there.

Sometimes I feel as if I’ve lived in a completely different era. How much more our parents who have memories of kalesas, black and white TVs and telegraph lines? He he, Well here’s to the shitiness of our present and the promise of the future! I Hope humankind gets through the next few decades intact, he he.

50 years from now we'll either be Gods or Stone Age savages! As for me, We're raising piglets and hoarding rice just in case. ^_^

	It’s Either Godhood or Back to the Dark Ages

Chasing Butterflies

At least that what it feels like…

If you have ever tried chasing something so elusive, something that’s very very hard to pin down, then you probably know how I feel on most days.

We start pulling out rabbits from our magic hats each and every morning… Spend several hours in the afternoon straining our vocal chords making weird guttural and clicking sounds and if all else fails; we do our little dance by night. By then my head would feel like it’s full of cotton balls and my jaw would feel like it’s welded to my skull.

We don’t talk much about it but I’ll bet somewhere in the back of our minds, all of us are cringing at the thought of what we have all become – a bunch of adults acting like fools making weird faces, emitting weird sounds, jumping and dancing around with silly grins plastered on our faces – Like a bunch of cavemen living in a modern house.

Mind you, life wasn’t always like this. Last year, we were just like any other normal family – well.. almost.. but that’s for another story. If you told me that I would someday find myself making all these silly and childish actions – doing the locomotion and papaya dance, singing boom tarat tarat, the speed racer theme song and Christmas carols on June, or making primitive cavemen-like sounds like UGI UGI, or RUK TUK TUK , I would probably advice you to get your head checked.

But that was before chasing butterflies became our full time professions..

Now I see Bhenki making weird faces I never thought she was capable of. I see Tia Caring jumping around making guttural sounds with her eyes almost popping out of their sockets. I see our once belt-wielding, serious, no nonsense father make cooing sounds with his eyes half closed, I hear Lala reverting back to her tiny childhood voice. I hear Manay Jing making AGHING GHING GHING noises, Gord's CHIM CHIM CHIM call, I hear my mother making baby talk and I’ve come to accept that life will never be as before.

I can only hope that sanity will find all of us again someday.

As for now, we all have our nets out chasing the most elusive butterfly there is…

the sound of Little Kulasito’s laughter

Whoever succeeds gets to listen to the purest sound on earth… the sound of undiluted uncomplicated happiness. ^_^

It’s a private show though.. So don’t go expecting any UGI UGI sounds and the papaya dance outside the house. You won’t like what you see anyways. He he

	Chasing Butterflies

The 12 Laws of Space Bubbles

It’s something we don’t probably talk about much but are subconsciously aware of every minute of every waking hour – the invisible bubbles of personal space around each and everyone we meet. It’s the reason why people spread out like gas bubbles when choosing their seating arrangement in cinemas. It’s the reason why our hearts start to pound and our breathing becomes erratic when someone we don’t know stands too close in an otherwise empty room. Or why we give a wide berth to someone muttering to himself on the street.

Think of it as moving territorial boundaries around each and every person (only we don’t go around peeing to mark it ) - Although I’ve heard of a story about a nutjob who once held a busload of people hostage by wielding his wiener as a gun and threatening to spray pee if his demands weren’t met. He he he – I can almost imagine the space bubbles of the passengers shrinking down to the size of a peanut as they try their best to get out of the line of fire.

Space bubbles though do not have fixed boundaries. They vary from situation to situation or from place to place. Moreover, according to researchers (yes, believe it or not, some people spend their whole lives studying this subject) we don’t have just one but 4 concentric space bubbles –

1. The public bubble for public interactions or the Run Distance for those “Oh Shit Have to Get Away ASAP in case something happens” moments that sometimes occur in public spaces

2. The social bubble for interacting with acquaintances or sometimes enemies – in which case this becomes the attack distance ( distance guys and gals use launch those cool macho sounding lines or mean bitchy comments that always precedes a interesting fight)

3. The personal bubble or the distance we use to interact with friends

4. And lastly, the intimate distance for those “you know what” moments.

Anyways... I’ve put a lot of thought in this subject since the last time I blogged about it in passing some time ago and I’ve come up with 12 Space bubble laws that are not only interesting in themselves but that you can also use to consciously increase the size of your space bubble for those moments when you need it or to recognize other people using space bubble tactics so that you can avoid space bubble wars.

1. Space Bubbles Can Be Transferred To or Enhanced By Objects

We’ve come across this space bubble tactic at one time or another. A book, a piece of paper and some pens left on top of a library table, an umbrella or jacket left hanging on a fastfood resto seat, or pin-ups, pictures and cute stickers marking a computer in a supposedly free for all call center floor. All these things signify a marked boundary by another person and by themselves; these things create a space bubble of their own.

Things or objects can also be used to temporarily enhance your space bubble. Take for example using a frat shirt to stifle opposition when doing a sleazy insertion maneuver in a line where you don’t know anybody or a Regional Trial Court or National Army ID flashed along with the driver’s license when pulled over by a cop for traffic violations.

2. Space Bubbles Are Proportional To Available Space

As mentioned before, space bubbles are proportional to available space. This is why we spread further apart when someone gets off an elevator, why groups choose to sit as far apart from each other on restos or cinemas, why we like positioning ourselves on two seater bus seats more than 3 seater bus seats and why people only squeeze together when forced to on jeepneys.

We unconsciously protect our space bubbles too when we find ourselves in tight spaces or places that we know have a high probability of being filled within a few minutes. This is why we’d rather sit close to a wall or preferably in a corner table rather than sit near the center of the room where we are exposed on all sides.

3. Space Bubbles Increase Proportionally to Authority, Popularity or Notoriety

Ever noticed how people avoid walking too close to policemen or security guards on the street or in the malls? How about the fact that people always seem to give a wide berth to celebrities, politicians, people with weapons ( even metro aid sweepers carrying around those long brooms) and neighborhood bad boys? I remember my friend getting whacked in the head by a crazy old street sweeper all because he got in her way. Try carrying a samurai the next time you shop and you will notice people giving you a wide berth too. He he, they will either think that you are someone of authority ( carrying a samurai instead of a firearm? ) or that you are not right in the head – reasons enough not to encroach on your space bubble.

4. Space Bubbles Increase Proportionally to Level of Intoxication

As our level of intoxication increases, so does our space bubbles which we guard even more zealously than usual – well at least until we pass out and couldn’t care less if we got trampled. Girls (those who seek attention when drunk) usually do this by being a lot more annoying than they usually are – adopting the high pitched voices of the girls in wowowee while laughing like crazed donkeys. Guys usually look for someone with similar levels of intoxication and engage in scowling/glowering contests until one of them starts a fight. Ever hear a drunk shout “SINO ANG SIGA DITO???!!” while staggering along the streets? Their intoxication levels are so high that their space bubble becomes larger than a city block.

5. Personal Space Bubbles are inversely proportional to Level of Intimacy

The more comfortable we are with another person, the less our space bubbles become. That’s why we don’t mind having our friend’s arms around our shoulders, or pee side by side facing a wall, or in some weirdly designed toilets where you have toilet bowls and no dividing walls, converse while taking a crap at the same time. This is also why you see some couples picking each others nose in public, or swapping saliva or using only one seat instead of two when watching movies in a cinema.

6. Collective Space Bubbles Increase Proportionally to Level of Intimacy

Conversely, the collective space bubble of two very intimate people is a lot larger than the sum of their individual bubbles. This is why we avoid seating near couples in dark cinemas most especially those making suspicious slurping sounds. This is why we don’t sit beside kissing couples in park benches and why we avoid looking at couples fumbling around in dark street corners. Interested as hell we might be, but our respect for the space bubbles created by these incidents almost always overpower our curiosity. There was one time though when I was walking home and I passed by Sunken Garden, a police motorcycle with all its lights flashing went off the road and down into the dark portion of the sunken garden. I tell you, quite a number of space bubbles burst right there and then. Even saw what suspiciously looked like butt cheeks trying its best to blend with the background before the motorcycle’s headlights passed it.

7. Collective Space Bubbles Increase Proportionally to Numbers

Have you ever noticed how people seem to grow exponentially uneasy whenever a large group is nearby? Let’s say you enter a cafeteria that’s otherwise empty except for a large boisterous group heckling each other on one corner. Chances are, you’re going to seat on the opposite end. How about if you’re reading a good book while sitting on a park bench and a large group suddenly chooses your particular bench as their spot? Chances are, you’re going to pack up your things and move to another spot (We have actually tried this several times already and it always works). What about if only two people sits beside you on the bench? Would you move away?

There’s just something about big groups especially the noisy ones. Their collective space bubble is almost a tangible thing that pushes us away. Take for instance one time when I was about to enter the men’s restroom and found it full of gays – I had to find another restroom instead.

8. Space Bubbles Increase Proportionally to the Level of Fear or Disgust Evoked

This is why we give a wide berth to stinky people, shady characters, people who are convulsing with foam coming out of their mouth, people peeing in public, people using soap in a public pool, people walking around in their birthday suits, people talking to themselves, people with rocks in their hands, people without eyebrows, people puking in public, people farting beyond the acceptable decibel level in public, people who are sprawled on the street and look suspiciously dead, people who have dynamites strapped to their chests.. I’m sure you get the point by now.

9. Collective Space Bubbles Decrease with Fear

This is where it gets interesting because just as the one who’s doing the scaring or stinking to high heaven gets to have their space bubbles increase in size, the space bubbles of the collective around them shrinks as a response. This is why people prefer to clump themselves together under a small table during earthquakes, stay close together and even gossip with each other while waiting for someone to jump off a building or in our case a communications tower or billboard, or perhaps pretend that they are a school of fish moving together as one mass of arms and legs when walking through the haunted house feature in Star City. In high fear or high risk cases, the advantage in numbers far outweighs the need to have our personal space bubbles intact.

10. Space Bubbles Increase Proportionally to Level of Comfort

The next time you’re in the road, take notice of the space bubbles around people as they drive around in their cars. See that guy honking his horn furiously just because the car in front of him isn’t moving fast enough? See that scooter nobody takes into account when changing lanes? See that big bus stopping in the middle of the road to discharge its passengers? The space bubble of people adjusts to the size and sometimes the model of their vehicles. The bigger and the more expensive the vehicle is, the bigger the space bubble of the person driving it. That’s why you sometimes see a geeky looking guy shouting curses and giving the old lady a finger while she’s crossing the street. That’s why you sometimes hear about gunfights between otherwise sane respectable people all because of a dented fender.

Conversely, the space bubbles of people who don’t have their own personal transpo decrease proportionally to their level of discomfort. That’s why the lady who’s sitting on a bus that’s bursting at its seams with people doesn’t mind it much whenever a suspicious warm bulge presses against her neck whenever the bus brakes or why the people that are unfortunate enough to stand in the aisle of the bus assumes a catatonic look as they try to ignore the smell of humanity around them. That’s why we always swallow our pride and bite back our retorts whenever a jeepney driver insists that the seat in his jeepney can carry 8 people when in fact everyone knows it can only accommodate 7.

11. Big Space Bubbles Repel

What happens when two individuals or groups with big big space bubbles find themselves in the same room? Yup! Chances are you’re going to see a fight. This is why two fraternities can’t stand to be in the same room, or even have hangouts near each other. This is the reason why 90% of frat wars in UP starts in AS walk or Vinzon’s Hill – where a large number of frats have their tambayans. The same goes for basketball teams, cheerleading squads and even the chess team of opposing schools. Researchers say that most felons convicted of violent crimes are those that have extra large space bubbles and their victims are nothing more than people who encroached on their personal space unknowingly. Now that’s a scary thought…

12. Space Bubbles are Larger for Men than Women

Finally, Space bubbles are larger for men than for women. You might have seen a movie where men shower together buck naked in a public shower – but I bet you don’t see men scrubbing each others backs or soaping each other – I’ve seen girls do this on videos though, he he. It’s quite normal for girls to hug and kiss each other on the cheeks when they see each other on the street. Guys however, are contented to pat each other on the back, do the high five, or shake each others hands – any more will cause the faggot alarm to flash.

So that’s it for the 12 laws of Space Bubbles.. Feel free to add more.:)

	The 12 Laws of Space Bubbles

The Love Song Driven LoveLife

“I will always love you, deep inside this heart of mine….blah blah”

“I’ll never break your heart… I’d rather die than live without you… blah blah…”

“I get so weak in the knees, I could hardly breathe, I lose all control… blah blah…”

Believe it or not, I’ve seen these lines or at least variations of these lines in most of the love letters I’ve managed to intercept in my highschool and college years. No one’s exempt. Everybody has those lines that when remembered, makes us want to bite our pillows at night, grimace and scream in disgust, or if possible, go back in time so that we can tackle, whack in the head or shoot with a tranquilizer dart our younger selves before it spews out or commit into paper these icky, drama laden lines. He he, you might even be one of those people who made love letter tape recordings like the one below:

(Based on a true story)

(Michael Learns to Rock Background)

“I’m on the floor….”

Cristina… (hikbi or sob for English)

“Counting one minute more….”

I’m sorry for the things I’ve done… (hikbi… blows nose on hanky)…

Love songs are indeed a pervasive force in modern relationships. Of course, the same goes with romance movies and tagalog pocketbooks but that would ruin my blog title. He he. From the poorest to the richest in our land, from your enemies to your friends, you see traces of Moulin Rogue, Only you, Kailangan kita ( I need you) and a multitude of other romance movies or love songs in their everyday love lives. Take a look around and you will see most couples living out snatches of Teleserye scripts or romance movies or making an interpretative dance out of love songs.

Girl breaks up with guy because of an incriminating text message in his mobile phone. Guy makes a YouTube “My Girl” video to prove his undying love once again. Girl, in the meantime, spends her nights crying by the window, listening to heart breaking love songs while mushy memories flashes through her mind. Girl eventually gets back together with guy just in time for her friend’s debut. (It’s like a scene straight out of a Koreanovela during prime time bida)

Couple’s parents hate each others guts but guy and girl love each other to distraction. Girl’s parents decide to send their daughter to a faraway province to finish schooling. Guy cries and says he will commit suicide if girl leaves. Girl and guy decide to elope instead. Spends a few days in a hovel fucking like crazy and etches their names in a local Narra tree. Girl grows hungry because guy is a bum and knows nothing about work. Guy misses his allowance and drinking buddies. Both eventually return home after money runs out. After a few meals, forgets ordeal sufficiently enough to start believing that love is stronger than hunger and the Romeo and Juliet love story begins all over again.. at least until the guy or girl grows tired of story and finds another love. Story switches to another romance movie.

How many times have you seen complex story plots forced into otherwise simple relationship problems? How many times have you found yourself preferring love songs over common sense? Basking in the feeling of utter heartbreak and theatrical despair - buying suicide pills, a block of dry ice or a hara-kiri knife, pretending to contemplate death seriously before self preservation kicks in at the convenient moment (usually after telling friends or loved one your plans and your countdown).

Who do we blame for the puke inspiring moments in our lives? Who do we lynch for putting those God-awful lines in our heads? Who do we make responsible for the still present corny lines and scripts we still utter and live out in our current relationships?

Yup! Mushy love songs! Particularly those from Backstreet Boys, NSync, 98 degrees, Aegis, April Boy, etc, etc ,etc. Our sponge-like brains are influenced by love songs so much that most of us still cling to some naïve, corny and totally senseless notions about love even now – decades after we’ve stopped believing in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Some of them are as follows:

1. Forbidden Love

Forbidden love is called such for a very sensible reason – because IT IS WRONG. Girl loves cousin = incest. Girl loves married guy – Adultery. Guy loves another guy = Sodomy, Girl loves another girl = Great Porn, Girl loves Priest-to-be = sacrilege, Guy loves bestfriend’s Girlfriend = Treason (violates finders-keepers principle), Girl loves another Girl’s Boyfriend = Hostile Takeover.

All of the above situations are basically examples of wanting something that should not be yours in the first place as it is already owned by another party. It’s basically stealing from others but because people who justify themselves call it “love” it becomes acceptable to society. It’s like doing your grocery by filching shopping bags in the package counter instead of choosing from among the goods still for sale. Get your own shopping cart and do your own shopping for God’s sake!

2. Love will keep us Alive

Yeah right… at least until the hunger kicks in and the debts pile up. This phrase should be changed to “Love will keep us alive, Till debt do us part”. Have you ever seen doctors do a “love” transfusion to a dying man? Or couples eating love from their dinner plates? Because the last time I checked, love doesn’t have a calorie value, or vitamins and minerals for that matter. Moreover, if I remember correctly, love killed Romeo and Juliet instead of keeping them alive.

Take a look at the couples that elope because of this principle. Love isn’t keeping them alive, their friends, their renegade relatives, or their parent’s credit card is keeping them alive! Take out the support system and these people degenerate into squabbling animals after 3 days without meals. On deeper reflection, only people (youngsters usually) who don’t have any concrete plans of feeding themselves when they elope or who don’t have any experience being responsible for themselves seem fond of using this line. On the other hand, people who can feed themselves and have concrete plans on how to prove their love say “LETS GET MARRIED” instead.

3. The Unreciprocated Love

Who will you spend the rest of your life with? One who loves you with all his/her heart or the one who you love with all your heart but doesn't love you back? Talk about depressing choices. This is yet another mushy corny and totally crappy concept about love given to us by love songs. It’s like being asked to choose between eating food chewed by someone else and chewing food to be eaten by someone else. Both are in the gray fringes of the definition of eating but both are not what we probably had in mind when we said we wanted to eat.

Take the first example for instance, choosing someone who loves you but you don’t love back isn’t love! It’s about you cold bloodedly taking advantage of another person’s stupidity! It’s the acquisition of a lifetime maid, sugar daddy or sex slave (come to think of it, these aren’t so bad, he he he). Choosing the one that you love (who doesn’t love you back), on the other hand, makes you the joke instead of the one who’s laughing. Moreover, if the one you love doesn’t want to get married to you in the first place, you get demoted to being a masochistic pathetic pain in the ass. He he he

4. Forever and a Day

It may be sweet, it may be flattering as hell, it may be romantic, but the promise of loving someone forever or until our last breath or until we die or until eternity is actually a LIE. Why? Because this kind of promise is not for us to give. Who the hell knows what will happen in the future? Moreover, who are you to promise that you will never change? Will you still love him if you catch him humping his secretaries? Will you still love him if he believes the aliens are coming and takes a sudden interest in memorizing the Klingon dictionary? Will you still love him if you suddenly hit your head in a car crash and get amnesia? Will you still love him if he develops a nasty habit of farting on your face whenever you’re asleep? Chances are.. NO.

I know a guy who promised his girl that he will love her forever, he did love her.. at least until he got her pregnant and he hightailed it out of town. I once knew a girl who promised a guy that she will spend eternity loving him, eternity in their case was until she found someone else better to replace the guy. Love, doesn’t last forever. It lasts only as long as we need or want it too. The guy that the girl left for another guy in the preceding story went as far as saying to me that he will never love another girl as long a he lives, he was hurting so bad, crying every night before he went to sleep and was fancying committing suicide at that time. I told him to give it one year and he’ll realize how stupid he looked at that moment. One year passed and he did feel stupid about the whole thing. Even the couples who last more than 50 years together will tell you love isn’t forever, it usually alternates between love and indifference, sometimes love and blinding hate where they circle each other with knives in their hands.

5. Love is Blind

Love isn’t blind and there are no martyrs for love, there are stupid people though. A woman cries herself to sleep, nursing the fresh bruises her boyfriend gave her when he suddenly turned Rocky Balboa and gave her the walloping of her life, try as she might she can’t leave him because she thinks she loves him. Is this love or the fear of standing up for oneself and seeking needed change? A guy suffers constant verbal abuse from his girl friend, gives in to his girl friend’s irrational demands and lives a life slightly better than the slaves of ancient times. Is this love or the lack of self respect?

I find it hard to believe that something as beautiful as love could be used to justify our insecurities and fears. Love inspires flowers, chocolates and the occasional whispered nothings. It does not inspire re-enactments of the Matrix’s battles, boot camp-like derogatory language or Dobby the House elf-like slaves. Love isn’t blind, we are.

6. Soul Mates and Serendipity

Soul mates, destiny, the perfect man.. These words are just synonyms to “winning the jackpot lotto” in romantic lingo. Tell me, what kind of guy would you suppose is perfect for a conceited, empty headed, two faced bitch? Certainly not a responsible, self respecting, principled guy! Give him this girl and he’d run like the hounds of hell were after him the first chance he gets. What about a guy who falls in love with every girl who shows an interest in him? Or a girl who thinks that sex is like a pin code you press before activating a serious relationship?

There are no soul mates or persons destined for us in this earth – there are only those people we choose to best complement what we hold dear in ourselves. Some people choose based on IQ or the lack of it depending on whether they want someone they can intelligently talk to or someone they can use as a sounding board. Some people choose based on looks – finding out too late that he or she doesn’t like taking a bath often or that she has an extra nipple. Some people choose based on the principles they hold dear like cleanliness, returning things they borrow from each other, going to church every Sunday, or simply chewing with their mouths closed. Some people choose based on their sadistic streak like serial killers looking for their next victim and yet some chooses whoever is convenient for their purposes at the moment. In the end, it is not destiny or the concept of soul mates that makes us feel content or crappy with our current loved ones or with life in general. Water finds its own level and we get exactly what we deserve.

7. Love at First Sight

Love at first sight is more aptly named lust at first sight. After all, only physical attributes are considered in these situations right? For guys who disagree, why then did you start undressing her in your mind the moment you uttered the words? Why load the porn flick programs in your head and start imagining scenarios that starts with a little conversation and rapidly proceeds from GR to R-18 to Triple-X ratings? For girls, why then did you automatically compute the perceived value of his clothes, imagine the stunned reactions of your girl friends while you smugly introduce him around, or extrapolate the most probable volume and density or his muscles based on the bulges that you see on his shirt and pants? And don’t say it was not the looks but the way that you felt when you saw him or her. Those were not feelings but hormones coursing through your body and dopamines pulsing through your brain.

Love, comes months and even years into the relationship – after accepting the fact that he doesn’t flush the toilet bowl whenever he pees, after finding out if your likes and dislikes match, after determining if he or she doesn’t stutter or farts while she talks, after comparing favorite books and movies and a myriad of other quirky things. Calling it love without first determining the above mentioned things is like calling anything in public that is wrapped in a brown paper bag a bomb without first determining if it ticks.

So wake up and hear the music that plays in the background of your mushiest, corniest and God-awful, puke inspiring love moments. What is the soundtrack of your long song driven love life? ^_^

	The Love Song Driven LoveLife

Gamers Guide to Friendster Bitch Wars

Trust today's teens to turn Friendster into another bitch battleground. He he.

Hell, in our time (which was more or less 6 years ago), Friendster was hailed as an innovative concept capable of connecting friends accross borders and seas. Of course, even then, people quickly realized how pitiful friendster accounts with only 15 friends (which is a more realistic figure if we think about it) looked and thus the dilution of the word 'friend' which had to adjust to include the pervert back in highschool, the bossy bitch orgmate, the call center team leader, the weird silent guy in the back row, the hottie chemlab partner and anyone else capable of boosting the friendster friend count - even bayani fernando, whom i have never met but has somehow become my 'friend'.

This in turn paved the way for Friendster to become what it is today - a social networking bitch-war platform. Now, even enemies are connected and the battles hosted through third party accounts - usually a group. Uninvolved members become unexpected and fascinated spectators tossing in their six cents now and then to fan the fires, he he.

Thinking about it, i have never seen 'gang wars' in Friendster. Guys seem to have their own online battlegrounds when it comes to settling offline differences. Counterstrike, Ragnarok, Warcraft, etc. Trust guys to prefer old fashioned ways of bashing each other online - war axes, sniper rifles, hand grenades,etc - pretty straightforward and bloody affairs.

Bitch wars - now they're entirely different affairs. If 'gang wars' are pretty straightforward graphic and bloody affairs, bitch wars are more on the lines of guerrilla warfare and requires intensive application of Sun Tzu's art of war.

Bitch wars are more like submarine battles - they are entirely cerebral wars fought on a battleground where the fog of war is constant and the two fighters nothing but sonar echoes on the screen. Sometimes the two forces clash explosively as with the case of bitch wars hosted in community accounts, but more often than not, you have to read between the lines between the lines to follow what is going on. With only an oil slick on the surface to indicate a victory, he he

Guys seldom notice these bitch wars when they log on. Even when told about it, guys oftentimes find it hard to follow the battles taking place. Afterall, you don't see tanks rolling here or bases being pounded to dust. The timescale itself is way beyond what guys are used to. Counterstrike wars lasts at most 4 hours, Friendster Bitch Wars last weeks.

With a little analogy to connect both worlds however, bitch wars can be surprisingly simple to follow and analyze. He he, once you learn the basics, Friendster will never be the same - much like what Neo experienced when he saw the Matrix for what it is.

so here goes the blue pill.. He he

...Or was it the red one?

Friendster Bitch Wars 101

Command Center

The base is of course the user accounts. After all, this is where all the tools of warfare are generated, hosted or dispatched to wreak havoc on enemy lines. Take a good long look on the user profile of interest, this usually gives you an idea of what resources are being used to wage the digital bitch war - that is unless the base is cloaked (private profile option activated)

The about me or who i want to meet sections are sometimes but not often used as defensive platforms (targeted derogatory music/photos/video/scandal using the media widgets available ). But more often than not, they are used as additional ego boosters for the commander.

Long Range Sniper

Pros: Nothing can match the Friendster Shoutout tool when it comes to long range sniping. Why? Because Friendster shoutout updates are the Most visible and far reaching weapon in the Friendster arsenal.

It appears on the mainpage update box of the user's friends/frenemies including the 3rd party account where the battle is being waged. It can be seen by interested parties even when the account/base is cloaked and it can be used for as long as the user needs it.

Cons: Friendster shoutouts do not pack much punch as a bitch war tool as it is only limited to about 300 words. As such, they need to be either concise and straight to the point or extremely witty to have much of an effect. Problem is, when forced to be such, some war participants end up sounding stupid. He he, case in point "stop talking shits coming out of your mouth" - a shoutout that basically says "my brain is mush"

Effective Friendster shoutouts are usually those that go for the digital jugular without being obvious. Those that sound witty without being bitter. See some examples from this post: Friendster Shoutouts For Exes

Battle Tanks

Pros: The bulletin board announcements are used much like battle tanks in Friendster Bitch Wars - it packs a stronger punch when delivered (longer than 300 words) and the more the user makes, the better.

Cons: The more the better because bulletins are easily swamped by other bulletins from other people in the network and a spy within your circle could easily neutralize your 'tanks' by posting useless surveys like 'things i do with my ass in my spare time' or 'my top 10 most useless opinions on life'.

Unless you have your enemy on your friend list though, you will have to rely on spies/frenemies on your network to bridge your tanks. So rule of thumb here is to always have frenemies on your list to relay the shots. He he

Heroes

Heroes in Friendster Bitch Wars are those featured friends showcased in the user account. These are the agents that one uses to show strength and support especially in public battles in 3rd party accounts - usually taking turns (like final fantasy characters) in bitch bashing the enemies.

Pros: click through the featured friends section and you will see the allies' disposition of forces each with their own shoutouts, bulletins, blogs, etc. The main advantage of Heroes is the compounded strength of sequential and coordinated bitch bashing and mutual support in comments and updates battlegrounds (who said only animals hunt in packs? He he).

Cons: Featured friends/heroes with less than 30 friends of their own are looked upon with suspicion especially if they are accounts not of real persons but of generic sounding groups like planet cutie (15 friends 0 testimonials) or Bigtoe addicts (10 friends account created 2 weeks ago) <- digital representations of our imaginary super friends when we were kids.

Power Cores/Pylons

Every base needs its power source and in the case of Friendster Bitch wars, this is the comments and testimonials section.

Pros: the comments/testimonials section is usually where the supporters are located. This is where they dispense their 'advice' or shoot their potshots at the enemy. As such, this section is essential in showing that the Friendster Bitch Fighter is not alone in her fight, is not crazed or pathetic and most importantly, not the antagonist in this drama. Friendster fighters usually read the testimonials section to recoup their strength and convince themselves of success.

Cons: a blank testimonials section or one populated with spam can become a prime factor for a Friendster Bitch War underdog to commit suicide.

Airbase

The Friendster Blog Section are oftentimes used as launching pads for Friendster Bitch War deep strikes. Here you can oftentimes get an indepth look on how it all started, the main characters of the drama, the chronological order of events and pretty much everything bad that can be said about the enemy.

Pros: since blogs are optional, an active blog on one side can be a very effective tool in swinging public opinion. Plus blogs get indexed by search engines thus expanding the scope of the war.

Cons: a blog is a two edged sword in Friendster bitch wars. Just as it can be used as a launching pad for deep strikes to the enemy, so can it be used by the enemy to gather personal information like hang ups, insecurities and other data that can be used against her. I've seen one Friendster fighter cut to ribbons all because of the personal insecurities she wrote on her blog like how her BF sometimes mistakes her for an ashtray or how she cries at night because her BF calls someone else's name in his sleep. Of course, the bad grammar didn't help. A good practice of girls here is to cloak user accounts before engaging the enemy.

Propaganda Tower

Speaking about swinging public opinion, nothing adds more credibility to a Friendster Amazon than her picture gallery. Not everyone reads the blogs after all and aren't pictures worth a thousand words?

Pros: here the user can optimize the pictures in order to showcase how popular she is (parties, debut, etc), how beautiful she is (mostly self taken shots of user making googoo eyes while puckering her lips or pics with alluring glimpses of the mysterious humps and curves of her body - just don't let them nippies or pubic hairs peek or that could be considered pornography, he he ), how rich and confident she is (pictures with the 7 wonders of the world as a background), etc, etc. One such war, the Friendster Chinese FlipFlops war, even saw the use of a pic wherein the girl mocked the facial expression of the other girl - cheeks all puffed up and eyes as big as saucers. Talk about Optimus Bitch! ehe he

Cons: a gallery full of the user taking self shots making googoo eyes while puckering her lips may give the impression that the user isn't right in the head and is using the pics to monitor how fast her nose hairs grow. User might also be mistaken for a janitor fish trying to clean the camera lens. Furthermore, an unsecured user profile practically invites the enemy to drop funny comments about her puckered-face googoo pics and other pics in the albums. Case in point: pucker face picture comments: example of human devolution, two-cunt bitch and the missing link.

Unless secured, pics can also be grabbed by other users and ran through Photoshop and the fun escalates exponentially from there. A Friendster warrior may suddenly find her pics in a group gallery with tits growing out her forehead. Anyone will have a hard time regaining footing or pride in a bitch fight after that. He he

There are lots of other Friendster Bitch War weapons I have not discussed here like 'common friends' for infiltration, 'who viewed me' for recon, etc. Unfortunately, my thumbs are starting to cramp from thumb typing, he he,

Nevertheless, what Friendster has become in the hands of women speaks much of the untapped war potential and ingenuity in women. If women had their way, they could probably track down where Osama is using only Facebook, MySpace and Friendster. Chris Rock got it right when he said that women could've ruled the world.. If only they didn't hate other women so much. He he he

Feel free to add your favorite Friendster Bitch War stories.:)

	Gamers Guide to Friendster Bitch Wars