Counting Potatoes

Controversial Views on Philippine Politics: Philippine Laws

I sometimes have that nasty habit of thinking too much about general problems that should not be my concern. Because of this, I have collected over time, several controversial ideas taking up space and gathering dust somewhere in the attic of my brain. They might not be worth much, but they are certainly interesting.

Well, At least to me.. he he. Here they are:

1. Legalize Same Sex Marriage

Forget about morality and such. Forget about Sodom and Gomorah and fireballs falling out of the sky. They want it and there’s probably nothing we can do to prevent them from doing what they want to do in their spare time anyways.

Legalizing same sex marriage is actually a very practical solution to a very simple problem. Moreover, if you think about it deeply enough, it can actually become a win-win situation for both them and us. WHY?

a. Population Control: God knows we need help on this area. Typical Filipinos are just too horny for their own sakes. Given enough time and given the zero or negative population growth of other developed countries, Filipinos just might end up conquering the whole world. Not through War, but through plain old sex. Hell, we won’t even need tanks and guns to do it too! Baby, we got all the tools we need for world domination right here. Kidding aside, same sex marriage will be a pretty straightforward solution for overpopulation. After all, you don’t get babies from “cockfights” right? He he

b. Eugenics: if it is true that homosexual tendencies can be passed through genes, then it is probably in our best interests to give these people what they want right? It will be like literally killing two birds with one stone. He he. They die happy, and our genes live on to the distant future.

2. Legalize Prostitution

Think about it, prostitution gets legalized - and scores of other problems disappears from the radar. Some of them are:

a. Job Security: Every girl in the business get their own social security number and thus become eligible for government loans, health care and even pension after they retire. Hell, they want it as a source of money, guys want it as an escape from reality – might as well legalize the whole shebang and give these girls the benefits and the protection that they deserve.

b. More Government Revenues: Of course, prostitutes will now have to pay their taxes which can be used to improve the country as a whole. Face it, prostitution has been around since the dawn of mankind, outliving professions such as hunting, hide making, etc. and there’s no end in sight. So we might as well use the extra funds to ensure no one gets pressured into this profession in the future.

c. Health Protection: the hit or miss probability of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases also decreases substantially as the government can now monitor the health of these people. Now guys don’t have to play the sexual version of Russian Roulette just to escape from reality for a while.

d. Happiness Index: Imagine what this would do to the happiness index of our country. Less crime, less rape victims, less violence against women, etc etc. we may die hungry, but at least we’ll die happy, he he he

3. Legalize Crack and Marijuana

Isolate these people though so that they’ll pose no harm to the rest of the community. Hell, we got 7,000+ islands! It will be very simple to designate one or two of these as “Never Never Land” for those who want to waste their lives this way.

4. Philippine Politics Pinoy Big Brother Style

Everything gets posted on the net, EVERYTHING. We make it a requirement that everyone of our politicos agree to be monitored by everyone else through the internet 24/7. Much like ED TV, the Truman Show, Survivor Series, etc. anyone can check in on his or her favorite politician and see what he’s up to, what deals he make, people he talks to, etc etc. every paper that he signs gets posted, every cent of public money he spends gets scrutinized, and so on and so forth.

I’ll bet the number of people running for politics will decrease by a large number all because of this. But hey! At least we’ll know that the ones who’ll run are the ones who have nothing to hide. Toss in the text votes and you’ll have a pretty good system that showcases democracy at its best! He he

If you think this is an out of this world idea that wouldn’t work stand the test of fire, think about Ebay. After all, all that’s holding up this global marketplace is a simple feedback system where everything’s an open book and people say what they have to say about someone else. Ebay’s idea has worked magnificently so far for more than 10 years now.

Well that's it so far...

Back to work..

	Controversial Views on Philippine Politics: Philippine Laws

The Digital Battle Between Good and Evil

Forget about the Lord of the Rings, the Matrix and Star Wars, you don’t have to go to the cinema in order to immerse yourself in the ancient battle between good and evil - where heroes rise and innocent bystanders get hacked down to pieces. It’s happening right here, right now each and every time you log in to cyberspace and guess what, 9 out of 10, you’re one of the millions of innocent bystanders who screams his or her head off before being cut down (or at least before your computer crashes and you have to take it to the shop).

Cyberspace is a brand new frontier for most people and just like any other frontiers; there are no cuts or breaks afforded to those ignorant of the laws of these badlands. Some internet security experts claim that more than 90% of all computers worldwide are to one extent or another, infected. So using Will Smith’s newest movie out in the cinemas, Are You Legend? Or Are Your Dead? He he..

The Digital Bad Guys

Virus (Digital Psychopaths): A virus can be likened to the psychopaths you see on CSI, the Hannibal Series, The Bone Collector, etc. The goals of these people (or these programs) are usually not connected in any way to monetary reasons. In other words, they are just in it purely for the fun of doing malice. Their goal is to create mischief and to chuckle in their beds as they think about the countless people shitting in their pants as they stare in shock at what became of their computers. These programs propagate too through contact like email, flashdrives, networks, etc (thus the term virus O_o). In this sense, a computer virus is much like the HIV virus, so scrutinize whatever you’re plugging into before consuming the deed. Better yet, use the digital version of a condom, the anti-virus program. Deleted files, corrupted programs, rebooting seizures, you name it, these virus makers love it!

Worms (Sleeper Agents): Worms are like sleeper agents in such a way that they insert themselves unknowingly into your network, silently recruit others (replicate) and then send them off to their own destinations to cause harm. Depending on their mission, these worms will modify, wreak havoc or just silently consume your system resources such as your computer memory or your internet bandwidth. Some become spies, some become suicide bombers, some open the backdoors to pimps, etc.

Trojans (The Digital Pimp): The Trojan horse or simply the Trojan are named for the programs, links or files that look enticing or innocent at first but hides a nasty surprise inside (like Brad Pitt and his goons in Troy). In this sense, they are much like pimps offering delectable wares (free “anti-virus” programs, a hentai “game”, a link to an illicit photo, etc) with hidden strings attached (Herpes, Gonorrhoea, Hepa, etc) so do be careful in clicking that OK button when confronted with such offers.

Spyware (Digital Spies): Spywares have one goal in mind, to collect information about you and your sometimes naughty computer habits. It attaches itself to your browser so that they can see the places you frequent in the net, the things you buy, the images you look at, the comments you post, etc etc. They then compile this information, send then to someone who can monetize on it by selling the information to unscrupulous advertising or marketing agencies, then split the profits.

Keyloggers (Digital Safe Crackers): Keylogger programs monitor what you type on your keyboard and what you see on your screen hoping to see private information like your username and password used in finance related sites on the internet like PayPal, online banking, Ebay, credit card transaction pages, etc. The result is obvious; you wake up broke one day with your hard earned money being spent by someone else halfway across the globe.

Adware (Digital Hawkers): If you have gone shopping in Divisoria, Greenhills or any other bazaar, then you can easily visualize how these malicious programs work. These programs act much like those shady looking characters that suddenly slides over to you whispering “Boss, DVD, VCD” or offering illegal contraband by having you take a look at it in their jackets or pockets. If you always see pop-ups appearing on your screen, pictures of nude girls with dirty promises, dubious get rich quick offers, then you know you got a digital hawker on your unit.

Clickers (Digital Parasites): These programs are usually harmless to your data, private information, etc. They consume internet bandwidth though so you might experience slower download times and internet connection speeds every time you open your browser. The purpose of this program is to make money for an affiliate marketer by getting your unit to click through the links of the ads in his payperclick advertising scheme. So in essence, You are making money for Someone else.

Botnets (Digital Mobs/Global Liberation Army): Botnets are the cream of the crop when it comes to online security threats. This is because a single botnet could be made up of thousands upon thousands of zombie computers (computers infected by malware) and your pc could be one of them. Botnets are like Digital nation states in such that they wage digital wars over cyberspace with hundreds of thousands of computers involved (replace orcs and humans in the battle of Helm’s Deep with computers and you can imagine the scale). These attacks though are usually targeted at very large internet institutions like the Pentagon, the ICANN, the CIA, etc.

The Digital Good Guys

So how do you protect yourself from these online threats? Fortunately, the good guys are fast catching up with the bad guys as users all around the world are given better and better digital weapons to combat the rise of cyberspace evil.

Firewall (Digital Guards): Firewalls act as your digital guards and stand between your computer and the outside digital world. They screen each and every program or file that goes in and out of your computer looking for telltale signs that these are up to no good. Firewalls are not a hundred percent effective but they are your first line of defense - capable of filtering out most malicious elements so that the rest of the good guys will have an easier time dealing with the few that gets through. “Good Morning Ma’am, Goodmorning Sir!” pokes wooden stick through bag) he he

Anti-virus (Digital Police): Anti-virus programs serve as the digital police in your system. Some protects in real time (roving police) while some can be activated upon request (stationary police). Just like any real world police force though, you have to constantly update (retrain) your antivirus programs in order for it to be effective in finding upgraded crooks. Be careful though, some malicious programs masquerade as legitimate free anti-virus programs. Come to think of it, some crooks are also
policemen in the real world and vice versa! He he

Anti-Spyware (Digital Counter Intelligence Force): Anti Spyware programs function much like the FBI and the CIA. They catch spies who are making a living out of gathering sensitive and important information by trading intelligence with other counter intelligence sites on the net and by catching them programs red-handed. Like antivirus programs, you have to constantly update your anti-spyware for it to be effective. You can also opt to have both realtime and user activated anti-spywares to better protect your pc.

Anti-Rootkit (Digital Detectives): The anti-rootkit program flushes out spyware programs that deactivate themselves whenever they detect an operational anti-spyware. In a sense, anti-rootkits are programs capable of recognizing malicious programs for what they are by studying their codes and their modus operandi. They do not need to catch the digital criminal in the act like anti-virus or anti-spyware programs, all they need to find is the digital chain of evidence like a fingerprint or a smoking gun.

Morphing Honeypots (Digital Undercover Agents): Morphing Honeypots are the ones that go undercover to strike at the digital root of evil by studying how they operate and how they work. They change form masquerading as a file, then a program, then a network in order to confuse the bad guys. They will systematically break down the code of a particular malicious program until they find its weaknesses. They then utilize these weakness in order to convert a malicious program into being one of the good buys (much like Mr Smith in the Matrix converted other people into being his replicas just by plunging his hand into their bodies.

Honeynets (Digital Crusaders): Honeynets are the antithesis of Botnets. They are also composed of thousands upon thousands of individual computers (usually government and corporate computers) working together to combat the armies of evil in cyberspace. Together with morphing honeypots, honeymokeys and other honeynets, they can launch an effective counter attack against the evil army by tracing back its route through international internet lines.

The lines are drawn and the hordes are marching. Will you Fight or Get Assimilated?

	The Digital Battle Between Good and Evil

Gossip in the Global Village

The World is shrinking and soon the whole globe will be reduced to the size of a tiny village. Where before, people would whisper behind closed doors or paper thin walls about some juicy updates about their neighbors’ lives, meticulously dissect the problems of relatives or friends and share their “2 cents” of profound opinions, today these same whispers can now span the whole globe traveling over fiber-optic cables, communications satellites and even cyberspace.

If Alexander Bell had an inkling of how his little telephone would one day revolutionize gossip, giving it not just supersonic wings but relativistic ones, opening the path to a worldwide wildfire of petty inter-family quarrels and squabbling, squandering precious resources for generations to come because people just had to know what is happening to other people’s lives, I wonder.. Would he have done the decent thing and commit hara-kiri?

My father gave me one of the life changing perspectives on this topic while we stood fascinated watching my mother launched a gossip counter attack aimed at a relative halfway across the world. He said “imagine the amount of resources being devoted to this type of endeavor worldwide”. Wow! And to think I thought world wars, unchecked industrialization and Global Warming were the big issues here! Come to think of it, aren’t TV shows like “The Buzz”, “Oprah”, “American Idol”, “Survivor”, and others just manifestations of people’s desire to know about something they have no business thinking about?

What do we get from gossip anyways? Aside from being an entertaining activity to pass the time, is there something about gossip that compels people to stretch out their necks over the chopping block just so they could give out their “2 cents” for free? One of my favorite authors, Tom Clancy, had something very interesting to say about this subject. He said that people’s opinions are like ass holes (rectum), everybody has them, yet not everybody wants to see them. I wonder then what prompted certain people I know to give other people a glimpse of what their “ass holes” look like? Here are some examples:

1. A few days ago, my mother had to call one of our US-based relatives, who hates to be disturbed by phone calls at night, because of an emergency regarding my Uncle who was at the hospital at that time. As expected, this certain relative got irritated and a few sparks went off. Days after, we heard talk that this relative was telling our other pinsans (halfway across the globe) how irritated she was that she had to take that late night call.

Whoa! Are medical emergencies not a valid reason for calling then? I know that a human life is worth much more than money but apparently we didn’t know that sleep is much more important than life. Moreover, not getting enough sleep is apparently bigger news, one that is worthy of IDD long distance calls, than a life and death situation over at the ER. Well, now we know better than to put life on a pedestal when it comes her.

2. I just found out that apparently our manila (relatively newcomer) neighbors (relatives of the owner) are more concerned about our lives than theirs. Where we sleep, what our job nature is, why we crap the way we do, etc, etc, etc. They were not too shy of us overhearing them too, “mas mabuti nang alam nila” were the exact words they practically shouted out their window. Which was quite surprising since this was the first time I’ve ever heard of something like this in our compound – after all, all our previous neighbors got along pretty well in the past by practicing the Japanese art of “watching the rocks grow” or minding their own businesses and lives.

I got so perplexed that I asked my housemate, “did I miss something here or is this just a manifestation of neighbourly love?” “is there a new government NGO formed along the principles of bantay-bata, bantay kalinga and bantay-boto? BANTAY-KAPITABAHAY perhaps? Or were they just missing the Pinoy Big Brother Show they were so fond of talking about before they turned their inquisitive eyes and ears on us?

I wondered then that since they were so concerned about us, maybe it was just right that me and my housemate start concerning ourselves with their lives and their problems. And so thinking along the lines of the golden rule, we began to talk about the livelihoods of our “concerned neighbors”, are their salaries beyond the minimum wage?, were they paying rent?, were they intelligent enough to land a better job, what their chances of going out of the country are, why there are always guys going in and out of their house, etc etc.

It was quite fascinating really as my housemate could literally hear their labored breathing behind the dividing walls as they strained to hear every word of what we say. There were some whispered comments and indignant muffled squeaks too, whenever they hear something they don’t particularly agree to. After a while, it became obvious that they didn’t particularly enjoy listening to others dissect their personal lives. “palayasin na natin/ let’s kick them out of the compound”, “sumbong natin kay lola/ let’s tell our grandma (owner) about them”, “ano banatan na natin?/ lets teach them a lesson” were the words that soon boomed out of the “neighborly love” PA system.

Now I’m confused.. he he, perhaps Alexander Pope had it right when he said “

“One who is too wise an observer of the business of others, like one who is too curious in observing the labor of bees, will often be stung for his curiosity.”

3. Finally, after months of circulation, it seems that the gossip that my sister was “pregnant” is dying down. Why? Because the truth finally clashed head to head with the gossip and no matter how juicy the scandal of someone getting pregnant is, it just wouldn’t stand if the “subject” agrees to undergo a pregnancy test.

This is quite funny really, considering that the whole circus happened in the nursing department of Naga College Foundation. The building is full of freaking medical students and instructors for God’s sake! These are people who should know better than to make a diagnosis based on gossip rather than scientifically proven medical procedures and tests. If these are the kind of nurses we send abroad, then God help the American, European or Australian women who’ll find themselves on an operating table with their bellies split wide open and ready for a c-section just because they “look” pregnant.

After all, if the issue was important enough, wouldn’t it have been easier and kinder to settle it with a 3-minute pregnancy kit than a 3-month long remotely conducted diagnostic procedure which the “patient” didn’t even know about? (I’ve never seen this one done in Dr. House though so maybe it’s too cutting edge for the show). Well here’s a medical diagnosis for the “voodoo nurses” like them “Gossip is sometimes referred to as halitosis of the mind”

People never seem to get that what they say about other people tells the listener more about them than about the subject. Not only that, by concerning ourselves more with other people’s lives, we may completely miss ours until all that’s left are shattered relationships and regrets. Is it really that much harder to work together than against each other? Or is it just much easier to concentrate on the smaller and less important things than the ones we really need to work on to better our lives?

The world is indeed getting smaller. Are our minds doing the same too? Of all the species in this earth, it is only us humans that have the capacity to become much more than what we were designed by nature to be. We can spread across the stars and eliminate the risk of being obliterated by a single asteroid. Leave a better world for our children. Find the answers to some of life’s most profound questions and many more.

Will gossip and small minds continue to keep us from finally synergizing and doom us to eventual extinction? He he, this is one theory yet to be discussed in Discovery Channel’s “End of the world” scenarios.

	Gossip in the Global Village