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And we all thought our lolas and lolos were weird enough what with their “tabi apos”, “no bath days during menstruations”, “pagkain para sa kaluluwa”, “walis tingting anti aswang weapons” and many others.
But if you stop and think about it, we, the new generation, have developed our own set of weird habits guaranteed to elicit some sneers and laughs from our future children. Worse yet is the fact that we are not even aware of them, he he.
Here are some examples:
1. Kain na: Perhaps the most hypocritical of them all is our automatic inclination to say “kain na” to someone who just happens to be around whenever we get ready to eat. It’s almost like we are guilty of being caught eating! He he. The funny thing about this weird habit is the unspoken rule that the one being asked should decline the offer or at least take just a little bite to show appreciation. Should you dig in full heartedly, the amount you eat will usually be directly proportional to the amount of resentment you’ll generate. Sometimes I even think that this phrase “kain na” is a unique Filipino way of discerning your “kapal ng mukha”. He he
2. Asking for the Bill; Pinoys also have a weird way of asking for the bill. We make this little square rectangle in the air using our thumbs and forefinger. Sometimes we use our two hands and sometimes we use only one (the square rectangle would end up with one side missing, he he). It’s almost like a secret code wherein the waiter would reply by giving you as many coins as possible for your change (to remind you of the tip perhaps).
3. Excuse Me: Ever noticed how we say excuse me whenever we pass between two people having a conversation? No it isn’t how we say the words but how we contort our bodies to bring home the point. First, we turn sideways to present the smallest profile. Then we crouch a bit as if to avoid being seen as we pass through, we then raise the arm that is in front using it like a knife to cut through the people. We end up looking like a chicken with one wing raised and stepping sideways.
4. Jeepney Terminals: the jeepney stops at the final terminal and obviously all the people still inside will have to get off at that point. So there are two rows of people and only one exit. The most sensible thing is to wait for the person nearest the exit to get out and so on until the person right behind the jeepney driver gets his chance. All in all, this would take at most 30 seconds. What happens though is that everyone stands up and heads for the exit, yes even the one behind the jeepney driver. This creates a royal rumble like scenario wherein everyone is jostling for the right to get off first. I wonder, is 30 seconds that important to these people? Are they going to lose a lot of money if they don’t get off immediately?
5. Calling a Taxi with PPssssstt! Ehe he, a person is waiting for a taxi, the driver’s window is closed. The passenger to be is waving her arms but the driver doesn’t notice. The passenger to be then goes pssstt pssssttt!! As if this would increase her chances of being seen. If this is the case, then taxi drivers should install a psst detector outside their windows.
6. Using Puckered Lips To Point The Way: “Manong gaano po kalayo ang CR?” look closely and you will see his lips begin to pucker up. Maybe we should all start bringing pocket callipers too as it seems that the length of the lips’ protrusion is directly proportional to the distance to your destination. Let’s call it our own unique metric system of distance measurement. He he
7. The Last Piece: What is it with the last piece of food on the plate? Everyone is casting discreet glances at it but no one wants to get it. I sometimes wonder if the waiters in the place collect enough left over pizzas to complete one whole set. Imagine how you would feel if you are that last piece in the plate. He he
8. The Fart Curiosity: “Baho!!” the person nearest the culprit in the group exclaims. Now observe closely how many actually runs away to a safe distance where it is “utot free” and how many stays behind to satisfy their morbid curiosity on how bad the fart smells. Observe how some of these people are even breathing deeply with nostrils flaring to catch the faintest trace of smell. He he he, is this a remnant of our once primal ancestry where our ancestors smell each others butts for identification?
9. Cell Check Mechanism: The next time you walk into a mall or anywhere crowded, take the time to observe the people’s hands (particularly the pinoy’s hands). Take out a stopwatch too. Scientists say that men think about sex once every 27 seconds. I have a new theory, pinoys check for the presence of their cellphones once every five minutes. You’ll see the hands discreetly caressing the front right pocket as if checking to see if their cellphones have been snatched in the last 5 minutes. Hell, watch closely and you’ll notice that people do this even when they have not brought along their cellphones! Going pale every 5 minutes whenever they fail to feel that particular bulge in their pockets, he he
10. Smiles Everywhere: We pinoys smile too much we sometimes look stupid, he he. Check the local newspapers, you’ll see pinoys smiling everywhere. In funeral pictures, during demonstrations and rallies, pictures of accidents, even amidst all the rubble after being hit by the worst typhoon. Hell, its been years since hurricane Katrina devastated the US east coast but looking at the international news and the all the crying people, you’ll think it happened a few days ago. We even smile a lot in our text messages. "Hi, matagal pa ba u?:)" or "Hi, naiinis na me.:)"
Our weirdness doesn’t even end here. There are lots more that I haven’t recalled yet (feel free to add your take). These and all the other little things however are exactly the things that we miss should we find ourselves in a different country. Like a pet that pees in joy whenever you come home after a long day’s work, like the bus conductor who doesn't exactly lie when he waves at you to get in saying "marami pang upuan!!", like the unique way of laughing of a loved one and like the warmth, the smell, the lumps and bumps of our own beds that we think about when sleeping on an unfamiliar bed, these are the little things that make up our concept of a home and a country. The Philippines may indeed be a shitty hellhole but home is still where the heart is, where only a few dig in with fervor whenever you say “O Kain na!” he he.
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