Counting Potatoes

Changing Paradigms

lights are closed and silence walked the night.. a sob and a muffled tearful voice penetrated through the haze of my drowsiness..

Pre, ang bukas ba tinatadhana ng panahon.. O bakas lamang ng kahapon? / Is tommorow dictated by fate.. or just footprints of yesterday?..

it's my college room mate mourning over a recent break up.. and my mind went from happily drowsy to O_o wtf??! mode, that godawful cheesy question shouldnt be thrown at someone just about to fall into slumber's sweet embrace.. contemplated pretending to be already asleep but what the hell...

sigh... bro.. just decide forget her.. put all your relationship's shit in a box where you can't see it, throw it away and flirt with that cute girl you were telling me about in your class.. DONT wallow in your pathethic bullshit ok?..

to which he pitifully replied: i want to die

bro, a year from now, you're going to look back to today and feel really really corny and stupid..

i've never been much of a fan of emotional theatrics.. And i figured it was my job to drench him with cold water in this case.. And whadyouknow.. He listened..

He boxed up her things, moved on and less than a year after, he was back to his cheesy/horny self, he he..

I guess even the most painful of heartbreaks become a lot more bearable when you really believe the paradigm that time will heal the wounds, that it wont always hurt as badly as when it was still fresh. That's why i always take the time to remember some of my extremely mushy/drama laden highschool stories when faced by similar circumstances. It's hard to wallow in self pity when you're cringing in self disgust at the same time, ehe he

anyways, on a lighter note..

Setting is 3 years after, different room mate, different boarding house and different story. It's about as far from a love story as you can get but it packed the same paradigm shift experience.. for me this time..

See my room mate suffered from polio when he was a kid. Thus, he walks with a pronounced limp and tires very easily. But if you think that makes him the type that's meek or shy or introverted, you couldnt be further from the truth.. He is one of the funniest, outspoken and prank driven guys i've ever come across. but that's not the paradigm shift here..

It started the evening before with an intense craving for an egg sandwich for breakfast. We went out to purchase the necessary ingredients including a dozen eggs. Boiled the eggs, mixed it with mayo and other stuff. Readied the sliced bread and coffee. Slept early. Eagerly ate our super special egg sandwich and coffee breakfast and was off to the jeepney stop across the road to get a ride to school.

one of mayo's main ingredients is egg.. and we added a dozen more eggs on top of that. plus the coffee and cream.. As we were standing there waiting for the jeep, the forces of darkness were gathering within our tummies.. I could feel the vortex of the storm turning, expanding, rumbling.. little beads of perspiration began popping out my forehead.. I glanced at my friend and saw my own urgent dilema reflected there.. And perhaps in that instant, we both thought of the same thing.. There's only one toilet bowl for the two of us..

Both of us started running full speed at the same time.. I was laughing demonically/hysterically all the while, shouting.. You can't catch up boy! Wa ha ha ha! You and your limp! Wa ha ha! And he was huffing and puffing behind me.

i can never fully explain how he was able to run so fast... It was like he tilted his body forward, with his feet churning like little whirlwinds behind him.. he was like a steam engined locomotive.. building momentum.. Unstoppable.. the next thing i knew, he overtook me and my demonical laughter turned to disbelieving wails of anguish... How???! Whhyyy??!

when i got to our room, he was already inside the toilet.. i could hear gurgling and splattering and he was laughing his ass off... I was reduced to begging him finish faster so i can have my turn.. Serves me right for my previous paradigm against disabled people.. sigh..

Then again, sometimes our paradigm shifts are not all that sudden. Sometimes it takes months, even years. It grows on us, changing our perceptions day by day, until we wake up one day wondering how the hell did we get here. These are the paradigm shifts that usually impacts us the most. The ones that gets etched in our beings, defining our lives.

Like waking up one day, realizing that you have become a full fledged parent. Caring for one little life more than you ever did to yourself or any other person you loved. Mostly tearing your hair out in frustration but also wondering how you ever did without seeing him sleep peacefully beside you at night.. or hear him laugh..

Or suddenly remembering someone you love and has said goodbye, finally smiling, thanking God that no matter how painful it is to lose someone you love, the richness of joy in your life and the memories is well worth the pain.

Or having your fingers hover midair over your keyboard, the realization that you've grown up, have to earn your own keep and striking out to make your own story in this world, washing over you like cold water. No more allowances, no more summer breaks, cramming for exams and the such. Now you have to build, to work, to save with whatever tools and skills you have accumulated over the years. It may scare the shit out of us most of the time but then again, most of who came this way probably felt the same way too and they did just fine.

Or maybe life's paradigm shift can be as simple as realizing that love isnt just a complex web of feelings, emotions and descriptions.. but a verb, a decision and a reflection of the love we have for ourselves and the growth in maturity that comes with time.

you may feel like giving up now, but believe that things will always look better tomorrow or maybe the next year...

that every wind of change carries with it a seed of happiness that could grow if only you'd recognize it for what it is..

that problems cannot be solved in the same level of thinking that got us into it in the first place...

that quarrels, misunderstandings and fights are mostly driven by hurt and pride.. and recognizing it is already half the solution..

that every problem we have, ever had and will have in the future will always have a common denominator... us and how we look at things.. and the gulf between looking at it as opportunities for growth or another burden to carry can make a world of difference..

a half empty glass is always half full..

We can't always choose the things that happen in our lives.. but we can choose the paradigms by how we see them..

	Changing Paradigms