Counting Potatoes

Reflections on Historical Romances

I'm an avid reader of historical novels. Some girls I know are avid readers of historical romances. For them, there's something about the olden days that adds to the 'kilig' factor or the sweetness of romance stories. Knights and princesses.. Castles and horses, jousts and medieval parties.. Etc, etc...

One of my favorites past times is to burst these 'kilig' / romantic bubbles.. to be more precise, to scrape away the thin layer of romance in order to show what reality must've been beneath.. there's just something very fullfiling about watching their eyes go from googoo its soo romantic to wide eyed disbelief and disgust, he he he..

For instance...

A scene where the knight and the lady rides for days and make love in some secluded glade may seem romantic..

Consider though the fact that these people havent taken a bath for several days and the description - the smell of earth - about the man takes on a whole new meaning..

The smell of earth... O_o

more likely, the smell of undeodorized armpit perspiration dripping on your face as the unwashed knight humps you like there's no tomorrow.. Ha ha ha!

Now think about the unwashed smell of earth down there... O_o

The women in these historical romances are also almost always portrayed the same way... Dainty.. Long haired.. with gorgeous eyes.. beautiful..

What these novels dont say however is how hairy their armpits are! There were no shaving razors 700 years ago so i imagine these are quite bushy.. O_o i'll stick to the women of my century thank you..

Add to this the fact that most people back then takes a bath only once a year using perfumes to mask the smell of their unwashed bodies..

And the fact that people of the same household take turns using the SAME bathwater..

And the fact that by the age of 30, most people have no teeth left, women have sagging boobs, and most everyone has graying hair..

And the fact that people have no notion of bathroom tissues or any kind of ass wipe back then - carrying around remnants of their pooh around..

And you just might wonder what the hell is soo romantic about all of it? He he

Ruining googoo eyed girls' notions of historical romances is a thankless job - which is quite fine by me. He he he, it's not the thank you note im after.

	Reflections on Historical Romances