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There's a nasty nasty joke being played all around the world. And sadly, we are the butt of it. This is no Fear Factor. This is real. We live in a fear farm and we are the crop.
From the moment of our fertilization to our funerals, our lives will be subconciously directed, influenced and permeated by fear. and it's not even the simple and less costly type of fear our ancestors have to deal with like the fear of hellfire and damnation, today's line-up of fear factors are somewhat more earthly, tangible and commercialized. They dont get delivered via thundering sermons from the raised pulpit either but through engaging jingles, funny scripts, and serious, credible, paranoia provoking infomercials.
We may find them funny or outrageously senseless at first, but as time can move mountains, streams and even continents through its consistent and persistent action, so can advertisements over time move billions of minds all over the planet to spend on more and more things unheard of and uneeded before. Sooner or later, we catch ourselves singing that commercial jingle. Then, before we know it, we're looking at our underarms in the mirror contemplating whether its a tad too black and hairy.
Speaking about which, here are some products, services and what nots I've compiled which have made our lives so much more expensive over the years.
1. Anti Black Underarm Deodorant and Armpit Shaver
Evolution or God has dictated that most girls should have hairs on their armpits. Some nutty capitalist felt he had a better sense of aesthetics and declared armpit hairs taboo. Afterall, if you could convince women that armpit hairs shouldnt be there and if you could include women with armpit hairs in men's nightmares, there's bound to be a huge huge market that's going to be created over time.
And now that most women are already shaving their armpits - out comes an advertisement that says "regular shaving can cause black underarms". So now, black underarms are included on the list of taboos and a new product is launched to combat specifically this.
So first it was smelly underams [which was considered normal from time immemorial to about 60 years ago], then it was hairy underarms, then black underams.. I wonder what they'll come up with next to further fan the insecurities of women regarding their armpits?
Porous underarms?
Wrinkly underarms?
O_o
2. Mineral Water
Bottled water... 30 years ago, they would've been as ridiculous as canned earth. But now, one sees them regularly in grocery shelves along with carbonated and fruit drinks. Now, they're even trying to sell us ponkana sweat [ if they can sell bottled sweat then that's it, we're really fucked up]
Bottled water... They are an undeniable proof of the power of media in our lives. If capitalists can convince us that we need to buy even water, then there's no end to what they can persuade us to buy..
Pretty soon they might be selling fresh air tanks that we can plug into our home ventilation systems..
Or scented bathwater..
Or little pills we can stick up our ass to serve as fart deodorizer..
We would go.. Pfffffftttttt....
Then the whole room would smell like a field of roses... [ farting would actually become romantic] Some pills can be made to hum love songs as they disintegrate.
3. Snack to Burn [Diet Food]
Saw this ad just the other day.. Snack to burn.. Burn calories even as you eat..
Weird.. Back in biology class, I thought the whole point of eating was to stock up on energy. 99.9999% of all living things on earth eat to survive, no wonder we've fucked up the planet big time. We eat just so we can burn the food we have eaten earlier in the day.
Isn't it ironic that while 70% of all the people in the world are dying of starvation, the rest are eating food just to burn the food they have just consumed?
Meanwhile, the US government is paying its farmers subsidies just so they wont have to plant anything in their farms [to avoid flooding the world market and lower the price of foodstuff].
God must be pretty confused by now thus the swine flu outbreak.. He must be thinking.. Hmmm... Maybe I should just start all over again?
4. Ringtones
Ringtones.. People actually buy ringtones.. Chris Rock predicts that pretty soon, a merger between big telecom companies will occur and we'll suddenly find ourselves choosing between cellphone models that have no ringtones installed.
Right in the middle of conversations, people would then just suddenly fish out their cellphones and go "Hello? Hello?", smile foolishly at you and say "he he, i'm just making sure no ones calling"
5. Whitening/Tanning lotions
How to make money in selling skin lotions 101:
Make White and Yellow people want to have golden tanned skin..
Make Black and Brown people want to have pinkish white skin..
With everyone going bonkers about their skin color, you can then sell skin lotions like pancakes.
I wonder if anyone ever notices that beauty commercials seems to be always about being something that most people are not? If the country is 95% brown people, then infuse it with ads about women with pinkish white skin. Don't put chocolate brown models on the pedestal else most might end up feeling pretty satisfied bout themselves.
6. Liver Aid, Calciaid, Omega 9, Good bacteria, Good Cholesterol, L-carnitine, the 5 signs of good nutrition, etc.
Not a day or even an hour passes without our being reminded of the weird sounding chemicals, amino acids, compounds, vitamins or minerals that our bodies might be missing. We are slowly being boiled in fear of our bodies and health.
With all the facts and figures flying around about the correct way of living, it makes one wonder how the human race has gotten this far without these wonder drugs. How did Einstein ever become a genius without promil?? How did some people live to be a hundred years old without Haveitall or calciaid??
I think it is only in this century that people are becoming intimately aware of what is going on inside their bodies, the 1,001 things that could go wrong with it and the wonder drugs that could deal with it.
7. Credit Cards
Several decades ago, living life in perpetual debt was considered plain stupid. Now we see pictures of smiling women weighed down by multiple shopping bags, grinning guys driving a brand new car brought on credit, ecstatic couples smugly reclining on a brand new sala set, watching a movie on a brand new ultra slim LCD tv, all brought by a swipe of their plastic as if these are as life should always be. They don't bother to show the pictures of these people slumped over their desks, mascaras smeared from crying or arguing with each other on how to pay the bills.
The smiling and happy faces seems to have convinced most of us that living a life in bondage to the bank is ok and living way way beyond our means is perfectly normal as long as the credit limit supports it.
We constantly live in fear. Fear sowed by the uneding deluge of advertisements everywhere and everyday of our lives. Fear of rejection brought about by black underarms, smelly feet, dark skin and thousand of other fabricated insecurities. Fear of death and our health thus the multi vitamins and minerals, mineral water, omega 9 products, enriched baby milk, anti osteoporosis pills, etc, etc, etc. Fear of the future, thus the insurance packages, college plans, exam reviews and health coverage. Fear of boredom, empty spaces and failure thus the trappings of wealth and entertainment provided by the reliable plastic.
It may be covered with an icing of happiness, beauty, comfort, health and security but scratch the surface just a little and you'll find out that most of our decisions about money are ruled by simple fear. Fear deliberately planted on our minds so as to farm our hard earned money.
Consummerism has become the new religion and Brands, the new sheperd of men.
Oh well.. At least its better than living in constant fear of being chosen as the next human sacrifice to appease the rain god. Ehe he
ps. Forward this blog to 50 other people or the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits tonight.
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