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some more additions to my happy marbles post...:)
1. The Clay Dick
The incident happened way back in Grade 6 - a time when most girls in our class were still in the dark on what a male genital looks like. It was class break and the girls were huddled in one corner of the classroom swapping [what else] gossips about the girls not present in the group. We boys were also huddled in the opposite corner busy fashioning a real looking dick out of flesh colored clay [even the nerves were detailed].
Upon completion, one of the boys in our group unzipped his pants and stuck the clay dick inside [just so that most of the apparatus was hanging outside]. He then proceeded to walk towards the girls' corner as if nothing was amiss.
"Hey Girls!" He called out in a singsong voice.
The girls turned somewhat in unison irritated at losing their gossip thread. Then, upon seeing the monstrosity that they never expected to see a. During a gossip session. B. Inside the classroom during class break. And c. Hanging just meters from their face long before they even had their first kiss, absolute bedlam broke!! Girls were scattering like cockroaches before a glaring light. Some stood rooted to the spot, their eyes as big as saucers and their mouths uttering incomprehensible gibberish. Some covered their eyes but were peeking through their fingers. Some were scrabbling over desks like demented women, crying because of the trauma of seeing the ghost of xmas future [ha ha ha].
But the best is yet to come. He he. Somewhat fascinated at the fleeing traumatized girls and bored at flashing the clay dick at the oogling girls left behind, this boy proceeded to tear out his clay dick from his pants and hurl it towards the fleeing girls like a damn grenade!
The fleeing girls screamed even louder and some almost fainted at the sight of a detachable flying dick - their brains unable to comprehend the logic of how a dick can suddenly come flying out from the pants like a sidewinder heat seeking missile.
We didnt need to go to the canteen for snacks that day. All our tummies were almost bursting from the excess air we got from laughing our hearts out. He he
2. The Pebble in the Sky
A year earlier, one of the girls in our class was being teased about the hairs growing in her armpits [how the fact was discovered, i don't know]. Anyway, me and my friend was just about to go home, walking over the freshly cut grass of the school lawn when we chanced upon this classmate.
"Hoy!" My friend mischievously called to the girl. Upon which he proceeded to stuff the freshly cut grass into the armpit hole of his school uniform.
Maybe it was because of all the teasing she has been suffering all day long because of a perfectly normal puberty stage she was going through. Or maybe it was because of the incredibly tasteless [ and funny ] portrayal or her armpit bush.
This girl screamed, picked up a large sized rock and threw it in a parabolic arc. My friend and I were laughing at her futile and frustrated attempt [she was quite a distance from us and there was no way a girl could hit a target that far].
When suddenly...
Wwhhaaacckkkk!!...
My friend got hit squarely on his forhead. It was no small whack either. I mean, you could almost hear the rock cracking his skull and rattling his brain inside.
Next thing I knew, my friend was down on the ground, blood gushing out of his head while I just stood there staring stupidly at his writhing form. I heard later on that it took several stitches to sew his wound close.
Score one for womens' lib I guess. He he
3. The Bodybuilder
A bodybuilding gym was then located next to our school, which I frequented every afternoon. Now, there were two people I remember most in this particular gym. One is a big, tall, professional body builder [who the girls were oogling whenever he was around] and the other one was a very short, stocky and heavily muscled regular who always felt he had to outshine this professional body builder whenever he came to town [I think he was building his body to compensate for his height].
One time, the tall professional body builder decided to use the very big and very heavy barbell used only for squat exercises. Even I was impressed. The whole thing almost weighed as much as me and he was going to use it for his benchpress set!!
1-2-3-4-5... A short rest, then... 1-2-3-4-5
I had to restrain myself from cheering along with the oogling girls when he accomplished this inhuman feat!
The professional body builder then prepared to return the heavy squats barbell to the appropriate spot when...
"pare, ako na muna / dude, i'll use it first"
said the short stocky man to the professional bodybuilder [perhaps he felt he had to assert his alpha male status in the gym or maybe he just wanted the girls to oogle him too]
Concerned [the barbell looked larger than him], I edged over closer to short stocky man and asked.. "pare, do you want a spotter?"
[a spotter is your insurance against doing something stupid in the gym like getting yourself crushed by a barbell that's too heavy for your muscles]
He looked at me as if insulted that I should suggest such as thing.. "nnooo.." he drawled, then beamed a smile to the oogling girls..
"well... Ok..." I said, then proceeded to complete my stretching exercises.
1-2-3-4-5.. Oho ho.. Little smurf got some muscle in them bones I thought as I watched the barbell rise and fall from the corner of my eyes.
1.... - 2........... -3...................
.........?
..................?
"pare... spot......."
a weak strained little voice called from the benchpress machine...
I looked over and there he was, straining with all his strength to keep the barbell from crushing him, all his nerves were visible, his bloodshot eyes were almost popping out and there were two lines of mucus running from his nose to his cheeks and towards his eyes...
It took all my strength not to collapse in laughter right there and then as me and several guys helped lift the big barbell off him.
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